Critical MeMe

Marley and Me (2008)

2009-08-07T21:10:00.002-05:00

This movie looked so durn gosh-all adorable in the previews that I avoided it. I mean...a puppy and Jennifer Aniston pretty much guaranteed that my gag reflex would get a work out if I watched the thing.

Well, I'm big enough to admit when I've completely misjudged. This movie is much more thoughtful and affecting than the campaign let on and it really did a number on me. Big fat tears were rolling down my cheeks and even my younger son turned into a blubbering softie (and I haven't seen that kid cry over a movie...well, ever, I'm pretty sure).

I've you've been avoiding this movie because of the cute puppy with the bow around its neck on the cover, go ahead and try it. I was surprised and I bet you will be too.

B+

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (2008)

2009-08-03T01:08:00.002-05:00

Breezy, silly, inconsequential little movie about a drab, straight-laced governess getting fired and sneaking her way into a new position as a personal assistant to a flighty, promiscuous actress. Despite an almost jarring turn toward sentimentalism at the very end, this is light as a feather.

Though the actors all seem to be enjoying themselves immensely, I just couldn't get on the wavelength and it all fell flat for me.

Murder by Numbers (2002)

2009-08-02T17:32:00.000-05:00

I think that if this movie would have just focused a bit more, it could've been pretty darn good. As it stands, however, the story was split between Sandra Bullock -- flinty cop who's breaking in another in a long line of partners (she's FLINTY, see?). She also lives on a houseboat (she can shove off any time, get it?) and has an abusive past (she's GOT to make sure other victims get justice, you know?).

Sigh.

The other, better, part of the film follows the two high school kids at the center of Bullock's investigation into how a dead body in the woods came to be dead. The guys are played by Ryan Gosling and Michael Pitt -- two amazing actors, even at this younger age. Give this part at B+ and the bundle of cliches that is the Bullock portion a D+ and we'll average that out for a

C+

Flowers in the Attic (1987)

2009-08-02T09:46:00.002-05:00

Oh my word -- what a terrible movie. All of the acting was wooden and the storytelling inept. It's one of those "how did so and so ever get hired for anything else after this debacle??" wastes of time.

Doesn't even have the distinction of being a potential guilty pleasure as the movie has been stripped of all of the "guilty" things that made the book all the rage when I was in 7th grade, passing the broken spined paperback on to the next girl as soon as we were finished gulping it down in just one weekend as we thrilled in hiding it from our parents, teachers, and younger siblings. Leaving out the seedy bits, especially the brother/sister incest that was the "hook" of the book (for us junior-highers anyway) -- was, not too surprisingly, a huge mistake.

Run Fatboy Run (2008)

2009-07-31T21:36:00.001-05:00

The plot should be familiar to anyone who's watched more than a few romantic comedies: Shlubby loser (in this case, Simon Pegg) blows it with the perfect girl (Thandie Newton) and tries to woo her back before she winds up with Mr. Right (Hank Azaria) who is, secretly, a real ass.

I do wish they'd made Azaria's character a little less despicable. Wouldn't it be nice if the girl would, for once, simply choose the good-hearted loser based on love rather than being PUSHED back to him by a loathsome jerk? Eh, I guess then it'd just be predictable in a different way.

Nothing new here, but somehow manages to squeeze out some charm nonetheless.

B-

Mad Money (2008)

2009-07-28T23:32:00.002-05:00

No, it's not a masterpiece, but it IS lot of fun. Just the thing after a headache-inducing day. I just sat back and let the silly wash over me.

The Ruins (2008)

2009-07-28T20:36:00.003-05:00

OK -- I know that this is far from high praise -- but I didn't hate this movie and I truly expected to.

I'd read the book a couple years back and was sufficiently scared, if not blown away, by it. When I'd seen the previews for this film, I was immediately annoyed by a couple of big discrepancies: switching a huge storyline for one character (cutting relentlessly at his own flesh) to be the obsession of another character -- a female one at that. Also, the book takes place on a kind of hill -- not on an actual Mayan structure, as the movie did. The first and last acts particularly pale in comparison.

Still, on its own merits, the movie's not horrible. Don't think I'm saying it's any good, though. It's just a kind of B-movie, not bothering with the character development and internal fears that made the book so compelling.

C+

Coraline (2009)

2009-07-22T22:23:00.003-05:00

I'd read the book and this, unnecessarily, mucked with it.

The movie's Coraline, voiced petulantly by Fanning, came off as a brat from the first scene and her parents were more crabby than the simply overworked/tired ones I'd met in the book. The worlds on both sides of the door had a real meanness making the whole shebang feel aggressive and hopeless. Surprisingly, the only thing I thought really deserved praise was the voice work by Teri Hatcher -- an actress I generally think of as lucky to have a career.

The movie does, indeed, look great, but that gets old pretty quick when not in service of a great story.

C-

Watchmen (2009)

2009-07-21T21:24:00.001-05:00

Refused to drag, despite its length. I was engaged throughout and this, frankly, surprised me. I hadn't minded waiting for the DVD release because I was quite sure it wouldn't be my kind of movie!

I was especially impressed with the camera work during the fight scenes. It's become such common practice to have the lens whirling around as though it were attached to one of the combatants' fists that, although it's a pet peeve, it's one I've kind of resigned myself to enduring. I applaud the decision here to pull the camera outside of the action, making it possible to actually SEE the ballet of the fight.

Beautifully made film.

A-

What Just Happened (2008)

2009-07-19T23:18:00.002-05:00

I was thinking after viewing this that though it reminded me of Wag the Dog (an "inside a political campaign" ridicuthon), this "inside Hollywood" version can't hold a candle to it. It seemed as if the idea was stolen from the first film and set in a different world but without the freshness the first outing had.

The funny this is that I hadn't remembered Robert De Niro starred in Wag the Dog and I'd probably never known that Barry Levinson served as director. That they filled the same roles in this new film just furthers the "trying to capture past glory" theory. They didn't succeed.

Grey Gardens (2009)

2009-07-19T00:20:00.001-05:00

I kept thinking to myself, honestly a tad surprised, that Drew Barrymore was doing a heckuva job in her role of Little Edie. I mean, seriously. Look:

Definitely not as good as the documentary of the same name, but it does fill in some gaps while making me wonder just how much of the "extra" stuff was factual.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

2009-07-17T21:55:00.002-05:00

This was a serious disappointment. The visuals were very muddy -- as though Hogwarts magicked away a third of its color and even more of its light -- and the story just felt like a link between two bigger movies rather than a story of its own.

Also, it did the viewers a great disservice by making the demand that we be familiar with both the books AND the earlier films. I don't think they ever called Professor McGonagall by name in the movie, which meant that it was necessary that we possess the visual knowledge, only available in the previous films, that Maggie Smith is McGonagall. While that was more annoying that a true mental feat since the role is so recognizable, the film also ridiculously expected us to remember the casting of minor roles. Ron referring to "Lavvy", especially in a British accent, confused me for quite some time. I'd read the book when it first came out (that's four years ago) and saw the last movie in theaters (about two years ago). I could not remember who Ron was dating in the book and they took their sweet time filling me in during the movie.

I felt incredibly frustrated due to these oversights -- they felt like a lack of respect. Basically, I'm a FAN and I was scratching my head over who was who every once in a while. Was I supposed to have studied before buying a ticket?

The Deal (2008)

2009-07-11T18:44:00.002-05:00

Poor Meg Ryan. She's really quite lovable and has a really good sense of comic timing. I mean, if it hadn't been for that Crowe affair and the stupid lips, she might still be going strong.

This "let's see how much we can get away with" insider Hollywood fluff is throwaway fun. Meg's quite good here and William H. Macy is fantastic. Lots of little giggles in a movie that doesn't quite seem "finished."

B-

Up (2009)

2009-07-10T21:25:00.002-05:00

That initial sequence, encompassing a lifetime of love, was so beautifully done that I almost wish the movie had ended there -- I was so affected that it was hard to pull myself together to watch the rest of the film.

Although the beginning is the "star," the rest of it is also quite winning. It lost a little bit of its charm once we caught up to the old explorer and his dogs, but it's still worth seeing. I'm not sure the 3-D feature (which is how we saw it) added much to the experience though.

Probably a solid "A" for the first half and a "B" for the second. I'll give it a...

B+

Two Lovers (2009)

2009-07-10T09:30:00.002-05:00

Joaquin Phoenix plays a depressed man-child working at the dry cleaners his dad owns. With a broken engagement and two suicide attempts in his near past, I understand why his parents are treating him with kid gloves, but what I didn't get was why on earth the building's hot girl (Gwyneth Paltrow) and the down-to-earth daughter of his parents' friends, both gorgeous, seem to think he's worthwhile as a paramour.

I seriously didn't understand what Phoenix was doing here. He seemed to be dreary, slow-witted, and suffering from a speech impediment. When you consider that he's also calling his parents' cluttered apartment "home" -- I mean, how were women even bothering to speak to him?

A slog from start to finish -- I certainly hope he's joking about quitting the movie biz as this is a tragedy of a swan song.

C-

Waltz with Bashir (2008)

2009-06-30T15:40:00.005-05:00

If it weren't for the animation, this movie would be nothing special. And, frankly, the animation wasn't arresting enough to save it from being slightly boring. Felt like I'd heard this type of story told better many times before.

I also want to mention that, at the VERY end, the animation falls away and reveals live action footage of corpses. It didn't punch me in the gut -- it pissed me off. Suddenly stripping war-time horror of the monochromatic color-scheme and shifting lines to tack a "POW" onto a mediocre story is exploitative. Or, thinking of it "backward" if you like, masking war-time horror with flash animation renders that horror palatable...and that's a pretty silly accomplishment.

D+

The Ballad of Little Jo (1993)

2009-06-19T23:52:00.002-05:00

Interesting premise (based on true events): 19th-century society girl, tossed out by her family for bearing a child while unmarried, takes to the road alone. She quickly finds out that "alone" is a dangerous state of being for a female and, in a moment of desperation, carves a scar into her face (to look tough, I guess?) and pulls on trousers, boots, and hat. Sure, the rough men in her new town think "Little Jo" is kinda weird -- but they like him just the same.

But, really, a premise is just about all there is to this movie. Jo finds a solitary occupation and keeps her head down...and that's about it. Felt like there needed to be more and, actually, near the end of the film it felt as though huge chunks of the narrative were missing.

C+

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

2009-06-19T21:52:00.002-05:00

Started sweet. Gary and I were actually laughing a lot, to the point that we were throwing those "I didn't expect it to be this funny!"-type comments at each other for the first half-hour or so.

Once they started shooting the porno, however, the sweetness and story development were traded for cheap laughs. Seems pretty problematic to me for the title-providing "meat" of a movie to be its weakness. I mean, there was a dancing montage and an impromptu BM shot onto a cameraman's face. Come on.

C-

Yonkers Joe (2009)

2009-06-16T23:25:00.005-05:00

I'd say I'm a fan of small-time hustle movies. I like watching a good scam how-to -- it's like seeing a magic trick revealed...plus I'm easily impressed. This is a smart little scam movie that's nearly derailed by the character of the mentally challenged young-adult son of the lead (Chazz Palminteri).

For starters, he's poorly acted by Tom Guiry, who relies mostly on a Billy Bob in Sling Blade chin jut to convey his specialness. Guiry also allows his body to betray him often, most noticeably as he descends the escalator into the casino...he uses this little lazy kick-step swagger that is simply NOT the gait of a challenged man.

Secondly, he's even MORE poorly written. "You turned your back on me!" he yells into his father's face at one point. At another, he acts out how to locate a clit with his tongue. I just didn't buy it and I felt as though Palminteri's natural rhythm was thrown off every time he shared a scene with that caricature.

Without the kid: probably a B. With him:

C-

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009)

2009-06-15T13:25:00.003-05:00

A small band of baddies (led by Travolta in a porn 'stache) holds a single subway car for ransom and makes it personal by dragging a recently demoted Transit worker (Denzel, being Denzel but chubbier) into the middle of the drama as his main contact.

It's passably diverting. It's also loud and ridiculous. There are three or four "what the heck??" car crashes, a Transit worker supervisor who almost shuts down the talks by ordering Denzel's character out of the office for no other reason other than pettiness, and a finale that stretches the film's already way-too-thin credulity to the breaking point.

The biggest problem with this film, however, is the complete unnecessariness of it. The original, far superior, Walter Matthau film from 1974 is readily available on DVD.

C-

Momma's Man (2008)

2009-06-14T14:57:00.003-05:00

Story in a nutshell: grown man ("Mikey") with a wife and a newborn in California visits his parents, who still live in his childhood New York home, and becomes unwilling/unable to leave.

Been quite a while since I felt a movie was a complete waste of time. I hated this man-child and the enabling parents who refused to throw his ass out. It moved at a snail's pace, reveling in the non-action while never bothering to make Mikey in any way identifiable.

If I were his wife, I'd never take him back. If I were his parents, I'd be deeply ashamed.

D-

The Hangover (2009)

2009-06-05T21:00:00.000-05:00

Probably the hardest I've laughed in a movie theater since "There's Something About Mary." It's very funny, but it also manages to be fairly reasonable, if that makes sense. When you find out what's been going on, it's like "Oh, OK. That makes sense," -- well, pretty much anyway. It's completely over-the-top, but the writers seemed to want it plausibly over-the-top and I appreciated the effort.

In my mind, Zach Galifianakis really made the movie as the soon-to-be brother in law tagging along with a tight trio of friends who don't really want him there. He could have been eye-rollingly ridiculous, but he played it just right.

Not a perfect film and I doubt I'll want to see it again, but a really fun night at the movies. Oh, and one more thing, the ending photo montage was shockingly blue.

B+

Pride and Prejudice (1995)

2009-06-01T02:50:00.003-05:00

I don't know why -- it's truly a rare occurrence -- but I was just craving a big ol' dose of romance and called my husband at work to request that he stop and pick up a copy of this BBC miniseries on his way home.

We didn't intend to watch the entire 5-hour production in one sitting. And, actually, my husband didn't intend to watch it at all, but there we were, neither one wanting to stop (well, except to refill the Cheet-os and top off glasses of Pepsi) until the couples were coupled correctly. It was just so darn delightful...the perfect craving satisfier.

Simply conjuring up Mr. Bingley's (Crispin Bonham-Carter) earnest face mentally can make me smile.

Quarantine (2008)

2009-05-30T21:30:00.002-05:00

I've seen this type of movie plenty of times before -- but the irritation factor in this one was ridiculous. Electricity's out, so the only way we, the audience, can see what's going on is "Cloverfield" style (via a handheld camera's viewfinder) and there was so much overtalking and screaming that it went way beyond what could possibly be considered reasonable in any situation but especially for a movie where I'm trying to follow a story.

I was annoyed and rarely scared and I wanted to kick the panicky journo (Jennifer Carpenter) who couldn't stop repeat-screaming phrases and the idiot doctors and paramedics who were so slow to catch on that people who are foaming at the mouth/unresponsive or who had BIT THEIR MOTHERS IN THE NECK probably shouldn't be approached as though they're simply confused.

D+

The Big Hit (1998)

2009-05-25T14:29:00.001-05:00

We kept looking at each other, slackjawed, and saying "this movie is SO STUPID!" But we also kept right on watching it and laughing at all the stupidity. At least no one on the screen seemed under any illusions that they were making art. That's something, eh?

C-