Jack (1996)

Jack has a rare disorder that causes him to age at 4 times the average speed and has been sheltered his entire life to spare him the bullying this would invite. But he's 10 now and his parents have agreed to let him join his peers in the fifth grade. Problem is: there's literally nothing interesting about Jack other than his disorder. Also, why does he act like he's 5 rather than 10? Are we supposed to consider that part of the disorder? Or are we just supposed to read it as "homeschool kids are kind of inept"?

This entire script is so tone deaf and dumb. I get that it's a magical situation, but this leans more toward drama than comedy so it should at least make me feel something other than irritation and boredom. I hated this movie so much and I was embarrassed for everyone involved.

F

Babes (2024)

Though Dawn (married with kids) and Eden (still-figuring-it-out singleton) have been best friends since childhood, it's been a challenge to maintain their closeness since Dawn moved to the suburbs. Eden's pregnancy after a one night stand further tests their bond as Dawn is stressed with her own family's needs just when Eden wants to lean on her most.

I went in expecting broad, funny and shallow and was pleasantly surprised to find only the first two applied. There was a real incisiveness to the script and the difficulties of maintaining relationships when paths diverge. It definitely falls into the "lightweight" category -- if one has to be chosen -- but there are also moments of real depth.

B-

Babette's Feast (1987)

Two spinster sisters selflessly head a small religious community in a Danish seaside village, having long ago chosen to serve their pastor father rather than to leave him for families of their own. A former hopeful suitor writes to beg them to help a Frenchwoman who has lost her entire family to war and, though they cannot hire her, they do bring her into their home. She quickly takes over the cooking and household budget, improving the lives of her benefactors.

This is, simply put, a wonderful story. I just love the way the villagers' initial trepidation of the feast Babette promises slowly melts away with each course and sip. That the joy of the indulgent meal also melts away long-held pettiness was exceptionally believable to me -- this world was meant to be enjoyed and shared!

Lovely.

A

Becky (2020)

I saw the sequel to this film last summer, but if I'd seen this first I wouldn't have bothered.

Becky is still in grief mode after losing her mother to an illness. When Dad surprises her with an impromptu getaway to their vacation home, she's momentarily excited until she realizes that his new girlfriend and her son are joining them. But then some bad dudes, having just escaped from prison transport, show up looking for a key that was hidden on the property years back and it everything goes sideways.

Though the deaths are inventively gory, it gets really repetitive. I also couldn't silence my mental frustration at Becky for not simply going for help.

C

The Legend of Billie Jean (1985)

Seemingly to get stunner Billie Jean's attention, Hubie steals then trashes her little brother Binx's scooter. Reasonably, Billie Jean demands that Hubie pay the $608 it will take to get the bike fixed but instead gets nearly raped by his father who, in turn, gets accidentally shot by Binx, which forces the siblings to go on the lam, becoming folk heroes to all of the wronged youths along the way.

The acting is terrible and the story takes the path of most ridiculousness at almost every turn, yet I know for a fact that I would've been way into this if I'd seen it as a teen when it came out. I doubt I would've chopped my hair off, but I definitely would've bought a "Fair is Fair" bumper sticker.

C