The Shape of Water (2017)

Spoilers galore.

I don’t usually struggle to stay awake in movies, but this one had me nodding constantly. It had a very dark palette and there were no surprises to keep me engaged. While I'm complaining, I'll go ahead and note that Sally Hawkins played her mute character as though being unable to speak meant she was also in arrested development. I got the feeling that del Toro wanted this character to be reminiscent of the young girl from Pan's Labyrinth -- somehow innocent by virtue of her disability.  Well, kind of. There were some mixed messages, e.g. the very first scene where we see her masturbating in the tub as part of her morning ritual, not to mention, you know, fish sex.

Once she actually “meets” the creature, I felt as though her love for him wasn't obviously reciprocated. It seemed more likely that his passion was for freedom, not for her. I would've also really liked for there to have been a scene demonstrating his intelligence clearly. What we saw could have easily been projection: "He learned the sign for 'egg'!' He's intelligent!" But how is that talent any different than a dog who learns to shake? I wasn't positive he truly understood. And, yeah, he got a boner when she disrobed and got into the tub, but that does that mean he actually desired her? Any more than a donkey in a Mexican porn show has control over its erection? If he had just, for example, been the one to stuff towels under the door for their “underwater” sex act, I would’ve known he was consenting rather than simply reacting biologically. I just felt icky about the whole deal.

Also, the villainy was SO DUMB.

D+

A United Kingdom (2017)

Truly fascinating story: white British woman marries the black king-in-waiting of a small African nation, and no one's happy about it. Her family disowns her, the British government tries to break it up, and their new African community does what it can to shun the new wife. It's both interesting and moving.

So, why did they go and ruin it by shooting it in the style of a TV movie? The handling felt underbaked and not worthy of the subject.

C+

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)

Tremendous fun -- so much more entertaining than I expected it to be. I mean, there's not much more to it than meets the eye, but so what? Sometimes silly action is just what I want at the theater.

B

All Mine to Give (1957)

Heartwarming/heartbreaking story about a young Scottish couple coming to America and encountering immediate hardship as their hosts perished in a house fire shortly before their arrival. But they put their shoulders to it and soon have a home filled with children. Tragedy eventually strikes with the loss of Dad and then, a short time later, Mom.

This is based on the true story “The Day They Gave the Babies Away” and it’s remarkable. I don’t think it can become a Christmas tradition for me, but I also doubt I’ll ever forget it.

B

Lady Bird (2017)

High school senior Christine is longing leave her low-rent family and her boring town behind to attend school in New York. She’s self-centered, opportunistic, and willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants, which means that she often hurts those who are closest to her. But somehow Ronan manages to make Lady Bird (the name she’s given herself) sympathetic. I could see the drive and the fear in her and was rooting for her to succeed.

B+

Noel (2004)

One of those “lots of different stories that kind of intertwine” movies. We’ve got a lonely divorcee losing her mother to Alzheimers, an engaged couple made up of a very jealous guy and a very beautiful woman, a man who can’t stop seeing his dead wife in strangers, and a former priest looking for meaning.

It’s fine, but only because it’s Christmas.

C+

Bad Santa 2 (2016)

A total misfire. Grown-up Thurman isn’t so much cute as pitiful and older Willie seems to have forgotten most of what he learned in the first film. The bits that work (and really -- I’m not sure any bits actually do, but I’m feeling Christmassy) are lifted from the first film. But there’s just a patina of ugliness over everything meaning that truly enjoying it would probably destroy part of one’s soul.

D+

Krampus (2015)

Busy family with terrible relatives descending on them for Christmas find themselves stuck in a blizzard. The power's out & the neighborhood appears to have been emptied of everyone other than them, menacing snowmen, demon santas, and dickwad gingerbread cookies.

Sounds fun, but it’s not. It’s just crappy people dealing with nonsensical/nonstop attacks.

D-

Wonder (2017)

Auggie’s different, but the film does so much more than show why kindness to Auggie matters -- it digs into the lives of the other characters. Why does this person behave this way? What's going on inside?

I immediately knew that I’d be showing this to my grandchildren some day. It's not just that it's good, it's important. A really lovely, complex film that should be a part of every child’s education.

B+

Roman J. Israel, Esq. (2017)

Shlubby but brilliant lawyer who usually does research rather than actual client/courtroom interactions, is thrown for a loop when his boss suffers a heart attack and he must find his own way. His ideals, however, are at odds with how law actually works.

My question -- what was this guy supposed to be? Autistic? Anti-social? Obsessive-Compulsive? I couldn’t figure it out and neither could the movie. The movie itself suffered from time-travel-itis: although we're told the action takes place over the course of 3 weeks, there was enough happening for it to have been 3 years or, at the very least, months. Also, there was a slip-up where he said something about his former partner being in a vegetative state for “several weeks now” when -- according to the film’s timeline -- it would’ve been closer to a couple of days at that point.

No reason for this film to exist at all.

D+

The Big Sick (2017)

A Pakistani man meets an all-American girl and they start to fall in love, but he's reluctant to take her home to meet his traditional family since they've got their hearts set on a Pakistani match for him. When the girl winds up in a coma, he realizes just how much he cares about her.

We both loved this charming and heart-felt story. The leads were terrific and Ray Romano nearly stole the show.

A-

John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017)

The opening sequence was pure adrenaline fun... but then the rest was just fine. There was some weird timey-wimey confusion going on between Rome and NY in that they got there quick and never changed clothes… not sure why they didn’t just keep the action in one locale.

C+