Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

It feels like every time I see a Kubrick film I get the idea that he’s a HACK and how has no one ever noticed this in the history of cinema?? The Shining, Barry Lyndon, A Clockwork Orange, 2001, most of Full Metal Jacket and now this atrocity! ...But then I check out his IMDb page and am reminded that he was also responsible for Paths of Glory (my #2 all-time favorite movie/#1 favorite drama) and The Killing and Dr. Strangelove, and my theory falls apart. But still. What happened? He went from competent, lean storytelling to, well, I can’t even figure out what he was going for here so I probably shouldn’t speculate.

This film is a complete mess -- just more than 2½ hours of nothing much. In a nutshell: Dr. Tom Cruise runs into an old friend who tells him about a floating sex party that the doctor is desperate to attend, but once there everyone somehow realizes he doesn’t belong (though the explanations don’t fit with the early warnings he received) and he’s in trouble and ordered to strip until a woman comes to his defense by taking his place. After the party he’s being followed and is generally scared and finally comes clean with his wife who, after being hurt, says they should fuck. The end.

Other than the presence of an abundance of perfect tits, there’s really nothing to recommend this film. Though, actually, Kubrick even screwed up the boobs as there were soooo many that they became about as sexy as elbows. This is garbage.

F