Superman (2025)

Lex Luthor has finally figured how to beat Superman. Not only does he have a super-strong fighter with a huge team dedicated to maximizing its chances when in combat, but Metropolis has finally turned against Superman. Superman himself isn't even quite sure how to feel, now that he and the world have found out that he was sent here to rule without mercy rather than to serve as he'd previously assumed.

But that's just the plot. The movie really succeeds on spectacle and an unruly super dog. Lots of fun with truly excellent casting.

B

Robots (2023)

Robots are everywhere in the near future, serving in menial roles. They mostly wear the same oddly offputting rubber masks so you know when you're dealing with one... unless you've got enough cash (or blackmail fodder) to force someone into making one that looks and behaves just like you do. Both Elaine and Charlie have these illegal robot doubles that they use to have sex with the rich assholes who buy them things (Elaine) and to wine and dine women to prime them for sex (Charlie). When wires get crossed, Charlie's bot and Elaine's bot meet up, copulate, fall in love, and then steal their owners' identities, which forces Charlie and Elaine to team up and find them.

It's a fun premise, but not a fun movie. It's all so tame.

D

Nightbitch (2024)

A successful artist (previously having shown work at the Met), is struggling in her new role as first-time mother in her late 40s. Her husband works out of town, only coming home on weekends, and she spends all of her time caring for their toddler. She feels her brain atrophying as her days become indiscernible from one another and she often doesn't even have the energy for her own physical needs like regular bathing. She feels like she's becoming -- or perhaps reverting -- to pure animal, and the neighborhood dogs seem to agree and consider her their alpha.

I think this may have simply hit me in the right mood, because I felt like I understood. There's a desperation in feeling yourself being replaced by a mindless servant to a tiny tyrant. I've literally been the person who, with a stained shirt and dirty hair pulled into a ponytail, runs into a wonderful-smelling, perfectly-put-together former college friend at the grocery store. There's a humiliation to falling out of society and a feeling of failure if you don't appreciate the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom.

But it's very possible that I'm giving this film credit that it doesn't deserve. Does it make the viewer understand? Or did I understand already and simply assume this script did a competent job of conveying that feeling to all viewers? I have a strong suspicion it's the latter.

C+

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)

Four men hijack a subway car, holding its riders hostage, and demand a million dollars to release them unharmed. The overriding principle of the storytelling here seems to be "tell 'em what they need to know only when they need to know it" and this holds true for the characters too. The person we get to know best is Garber (Matthau) -- a lieutenant for the Transit Police. And, boy, I love this guy. Like, when he finds out that the Japanese businessmen he's been dismissively mocking as he's been guiding them on a tour can understand English, he just absorbs the information with a "huh" look and moves on with what needs to get done.

Not as flashy as modern-day thrillers, but that's why I like it. The action we get is appropriate and believable, the comic moments feel natural, and the danger is tangible. Though there're some gross moments with Mr. Grey, one of the hijackers, I also thought those scenes worked and made sense for his background.

A-

MacGruber (2010)

We were high and it made us giggle. If we hadn't been high, I expect we would've switched to something else by the 15-minute mark. Seriously: you already know if you're going to like this and under which circumstances you should watch it and with whom. You don't need a review.

C+

The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956)

The McKennas (Jimmy Stewart, Doris Day) and their son are vacationing in Morocco. She gets the feeling that people are behaving oddly around them, but he shrugs it off -- the fact that she's a well-known singer could account for some staring. Later they are witness to a murder and, with his dying breath, the victim tells Mr. McKenna about an upcoming assassination in London. Their son Hank is abducted to ensure their silence and they head off to England in hopes of recovering him.

It's very dull and there's no chemistry at all between Stewart and Day. If you want a mistaken-identity spy thriller from Hitch, definitely go for North by Northwest and skip this one.

C

Walkabout (1971)

This is the fourth film directed by Nicolas Roeg that I've seen, and it keeps my "he's obviously not for me" streak alive. While I acknowledge that the outback landscape is beautiful -- it's almost more nature documentary than survival story -- the whole thing just made me borderline upset and, once the aboriginal teen shows up, extremely uncomfortable. I could not get on its wavelength. Or, quite possibly, I simply didn't want to get there. Ironically, nothing felt natural. From the weird cooking radio station that was playing (...then drown the bird in cognac) to the lecherous weather research group set up in the desert, it was just a pile of off-putting weirdness. 

Walkabout was included in the British Film Institute's 2005 list of "50 Films You Should See by the Age of 14" and, to that, I say "what in the actual fuck?" Well, wait. On second thought, I'm sure my boys would've LOVED this at 14. I mean, probably not the whole movie, but a few choice scenes for sure.

F

The Infiltrator (2016)

Cranston plays Robert Mazur, a real-life Customs Official who got in deep with the Escobar drug cartel by offering money laundering services on a large scale. It's a solid movie with some decent thrills and flawless acting, but it came to far less than the sum of its parts. I never truly felt the danger, e.g. the biggest issue for Mazur and his pretend fiancé seemed to be that they were feeling bad about tricking their good "friends" the Alcainos, who were upper management in the cartel.

Basically: fine.

B-

The Abyss (2024)

I like disaster movies. I like the domesticity of the early scenes with the oblivious residents going about their untroubled lives, thinking today's gonna be like every other day. I enjoy getting to know how these people are when things are fine and then seeing what they become when things go as bad as they can possibly go. 

The trouble here is that the setting -- Kiruna in Sweden -- is a real city that is home to the largest iron ore mine in the world. Because of the instability caused by the mine, the city is planning -- in real life -- to be moved approximately 3 km away. The entire plot of the movie is "but what if it collapses before we've gotten out?" Since they already know it's dangerous enough that they can't stay there, it takes a huge dose of suspended disbelief to get through this. The entire town is caught off-guard and there seem to be no emergency protocols in place. Our hero (Frigga), despite her job as the security manager for the mine, doesn't appear to have taken the time to tell her own messy family what to do when/if shit goes down.

If you like disaster movies, you'll be disappointed. If you don't like disaster movies, but you do enjoy clueless people more focused on their relationship drama than their physical world getting sucked into the earth, this might be your jam.

D+

Heads of State (2025)

British Prime Minister Sam Clarke (Idris Elba) thinks that American President Will Derringer (John Cena) is a joke of a leader, but agrees to take a ride on Air Force One for the PR. Someone's got it in for the pair,  however, so Clarke and Derringer have to rely on each other to survive the constant attempts to take them out.

It's a big ol' dumb spectacle that's fun enough to guarantee that I'll watch a sequel, should there be one, but I also guarantee I'll like it a lot less than this one.

C

Vanilla Sky (2001)

Second viewing, first time was in a theater during its original release. What I retained from the first time I saw it was a general air of confusion without any of the bits that made it make sense. This time, in my living room, with the ability to pause and think about the experience, was a much more satisfying experience. Though my mind was repeating "what the HELL is going on," I was sure I wasn't missing anything, which gave me confidence it would all come together.

It's truly well-done. I was riveted by David's journey, even though I knew I was being gaslit right along with him. The biggest issue was that I didn't like any of the three primary players. David is a rich guy who acts like an entitled brat at work and with his friends -- I mean Sofia was his best friend's date and he didn't think twice about whisking her away from him. Sofia is just a typical manic pixie dream girl: beautiful and silly, hungry for all the attention. And Julie was a dangerous brand of crazy, but I honestly found her to be the most sympathetic.

Random thoughts:

• Jason Lee was Ryan Reynolds before Ryan was Ryan Reynolds
• Tom Cruise was shown as 5'11'' in his mug shot, so it should've been obvious right then that he isn't in touch with reality
• One of the best motion picture soundtracks of all time

B