Romancing the Stone (1984)

Successful romance novelist Joan lives a solitary life -- her idea of a celebration is opening a bottle of wine and chatting with her cat. When she has to be out in public, she's ill-at-ease and uninterested in the men who are obviously interested in her. But, when her sister needs her urgent help down in Colombia, Joan doesn't hesitate even though she is ill-equipped for the adventure. Good thing the dashing Jack Colton shows up to take things in hand.

It's a fun, lightweight adventure -- I mean, Danny DeVito's one of the bad guys, so we're never truly worried that anything bad will happen. It's just silly fun with Douglas and Turner at their sexiest.

B

Stop Making Sense (1984)

I absolutely loved American Utopia, so of course I was going to see this earlier concert film. I'm glad to report that Byrne has always been exactly who he is -- no embarrassment over being silly, even when he was younger. And the music is really really good. It just made me want to see something live again.

B

Gremlins (1984)

Man buys his teenage (?) son a cute new pet that comes with very specific instructions. When the instructions aren't followed, all hell breaks loose.

Even if the lead weren't blander than notebook paper, the story isn't much. It basically devolves into a "what else can we make these rubber puppets do that would be funny or shocking?" I was never laughing nor was I ever shocked.

D+

Body Double (1984)

An out-of-work actor sublets a house from a new friend and, boy, what a view the place has. At midnight, the woman across the way does a masturbatory dance “like clockwork” and the actor is happy to serve as her faithful audience. He sees her being slapped around and robbed and gets protective, but things don’t go well and he wonders if there’s something more going on.

There could be a solid thriller here, but it’s buried in softcore porn, a ridiculously annoying main character, and general ‘80s-ness which basically turns it into laughable trash.

D+

Red Dawn (1984)

Soviets parachute into midwest America and turn the small city of Calumet, CO into a police state. A group of high schoolers, and one recent graduate, speed out of town after raiding one of their father’s convenience stores for supplies. They eventually stop simply hiding and become a guerilla group -- a thorn in the sides of the invaders.

The first ten minutes are simply fantastic. The small-town idyll is set up and then ripped apart in such a way that, although I had an idea of the plot, I felt as shocked as the town must have been. But the movie just goes on and on and on. It is fun to see very young Lea Thompson, Jennifer Grey, Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Powers Boothe, and Charlie Sheen, though Charlie should thank his lucky stars for his father’s reputation because -- oof -- he’s terrible here.

C+

El Norte (1984)

Young-adult Guatemalen brother and sister must escape their hometown where there father has been killed as a rebel and their mother has been scooped up by the authorities. They decide to go north to the states.  The first 30 minutes or so were interminable -- the cinematography was supposed to be MEANINGFUL, I’m sure, but it came off as simply affected.  Once they start their journey, things pick up considerably.

They hire a coyote, crawl through an old sewer line, get settled into a motel that serves as a "cheap Mexicans" work force tenement, get jobs, learn English, and dodge INS.  This is just not strong enough storytelling to have any impact. It’s like an after-school special about the less fortunate; you get the point that life is hard for immigrants, but only because it’s hammered in the dialogue -- not because you actually feel it.

C

The Terminator (1984)

Third viewing -- this time to introduce it to my younger son, who loved it.

It's pretty hard to accurately review a movie from the '80s. I remember seeing it in college and having a reaction that was equal-parts thrill and amazement. Now I can see the cracks, but is it really fair to pick them out with my 2009 eyes, when those same eyes saw no problems in 1986? I think I just have to realize that to whine about it would be like grading a child's art assignment -- this was, truthfully, the very best they could do at the time, and it's pretty dang great.

B+

Under the Volcano (1984)

This has been on my "to see" list for more than 15 years -- I put it on there when I first decided I was going to try to see all of the films ever nominated for Oscars in the acting, writing, and best picture categories. I get pretty familiar with the long-term residents of that list prior to viewing -- so I'd seen the poster artwork dozens of times. And, seriously, how cool is the movie being advertised in that poster? That guy looks like a badass and is obviously a lover to boot. Couldn't wait.

Well, what the heck. Instead of a tough guy with a girl in his bed, he's just a dude drunk off his ass in Mexico missing his wife, who ran off with a linen-suit-wearing type. A whiny, excruciating couple of hours. So bad that I started wondering if it'd been written by Don DeLillo -- indulgent, unreal, and terribly long. This is a case where my happy anticipation let me waaay down.

D-

Iceman (1984)

Scientists find a 40,000 man frozen in a block of ice -- somehow still living. In order to find out about his life and habits, they construct an elaborate Truman Showesque set and watch him from behind the scenes. Of course, that doesn't quite work and he ends up figuring that something's up...and then it gets boring.

This movie struggles so hard to be meaningful and important that I feel kind of bad for my dismissive attitude. But, hey: I don't think it's very interesting. What's a movie-watcher to do?

C

The Brother From Another Planet (1984)

Rambling story about a mute alien who flees his home planet and is being chased by bounty hunters through Harlem. Sounds a lot more exciting than it is…the alien spends most of his time fixing stuff with a glowing touch and looking about beatifically. Too long and, really, kind of stupid.

D+

Country (1984)

This subject (farmers facing repossession) was tackled much more effectively in "The River" in the same year. Shepard's transition from loving family man to abusive drunk is too whip-fast -- the whole thing comes off as manipulative rather than earning true emotion.

C

Swing Shift (1984)

Tries too hard to be meaningful about women in the workplace and strained marriages while men were away during WWII. They should have just focused on the fact that it's a story about adultery and friendship, that's certainly enough.

C+

Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984)

Starts out with a bang - very engaging while the main character "grows up wild." Once he hits Lambert age, though, all goes to hell. Winds up being a repetitious fish-out-of-water story.

D+

Romancing the Stone (1984)

Turner is a fish-out-of-water city girl hooking up with action-guy Douglas in Colombia. A lot of fun, but shows its age far too often (especially with the distinctly '80s score).

B-

Broadway Danny Rose (1984)

Danny Rose is a small-time theatrical manager whose client list includes: a blind xylophonist, a one-armed juggler, piano-playing birds, balloon folders, and a one-legged tap dancer. If no other manager will touch an act—Danny’s there to take them on, mother them a little bit, and pour his heart into finding them work. When trying to book one of his acts he says, “A year from now, my hand to God, she’s gonna be at Carnegie Hall. But you, I’ll let you have her now at the old price. OK? Which is anything you wanna give me. Anything at all.”

The film focuses on his most promising client and an adventure Danny has while attempting to do whatever he can to keep the talent happy.

Sweet, funny and original if a bit too low-key.

B