Feast (2006)

My 16-year-old son and I were fans of "Project Greenlight," have seen the other two films produced by the show, so we've been waiting eagerly for this last one to come out. It's well worth the wait and easily wins the distinction of being the best movie to come out of the series.

It's a standard plot: group of character types barricade themselves against the scary things that want to eat them, but it doesn't take itself too seriously, for example each character is introduced with a quick on-screen bio, one of which included something like "life expectancy: gruesome death in 70 minutes."

Though the answers to the "who dies when and how" questions aren't predictable, the ending kinda is. This is not a groundbreaker, but it is flashy and fun. My son wound up falling asleep about two-thirds of the way through and when I asked him the next day if I should hold onto the DVD so he could see the end, he told me I needn't bother. I mean, it's fine -- but you're probably not going to want to own it or tell your buddies they've got to see it.

B-

Equilibrium (2002)

Not only is the story just a rip-off of several much better dark-visions-of-the-future films (Fahrenheit 451, Matrix, 1984), it's so ineptly handled that it's laughable.

In order to stamp out war, the populace self-injects "Prozium," an emotion-deadening drug. How do we know what the drug's name is and what it does? Why, because huge public address screens have a talking head playing on a loop passionately congratulating everyone for taking their emotion-deadening Prozium. Even if I were willing to overlook the fact that impassioned speeches employ passion, an emotion (and I'm not), that's just one of at least two dozen displays of the script's lazy attitude toward its own premise.

The fight scenes also made me giggle. Christian Bale -- emotion cop who's tasted sweet feelings and just can't go back -- employs a robotic fight technique that we see being taught to others as a matter of course. So why is he able to best a whole group of fellow cops? Don't they know the same tricks?

I really don't get why so many talented people agreed to appear in such a mess of a movie.

D+

The Road to Guantanamo (2006)

This re-enactment (with the real-life subjects serving as talking heads throughout) centers on the "Tipton Three," British vacationers who were taken into custody as suspected terrorists when visiting Afghanistan. Though held for more than two years, eventually winding up in "Camp X-Ray," they were never charged.

Although I'm predisposed to be on the side of the detainees, I can't help but feel manipulated by the obvious one-sidedness of the telling. This feels like propaganda -- and why does it need to be? Told straight, this would be horrifying. Told with an obvious bias as it is, my skepticism kicked into gear and diminished the power considerably.

And what kind of idiots visit a Taliban-controlled country just months after the September 11 attacks? I mean, the trio were originally a quartet -- but one went missing during heavy bombing (before the others were imprisoned) and is presumed dead. Terrible? Sure. But it's also the kind of possibility most tourists would take into consideration when choosing a destination.

C+

The Window (1949)

It's a version of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." Tenement kid Tommy has a habit of making things sound more interesting than they are; everyone knows to take his tales with a grain of salt. His parents are weary of his stories but get especially exasperated when they almost lose their apartment due to one of his fabrications. When he witnesses a murder, the only ones who believe him are the killers themselves.

My younger son regularly declines invitations to watch movies with the family, so I was surprised when he said "that sounds kinda good" when I asked him if he was interested in joining me for this one. It was a perfect introduction to noir for a boy who regularly shuns films, especially older ones. It's tight and accessible and the moody feel is perfect. The look of the film -- especially the cramped apartment -- is wonderful and Bobby Driscoll won a juvenile Oscar in 1950 due in part to his portrayal here.

Catch this one if you get the chance.

B+

In Which We Serve (1943)

Well-meaning movie following the flashbacks of several British seamen as they cling to a liferaft during World War II.

Despite a few touching moments, I was bored through the bulk of the movie. The lives of the sailors are extremely ordinary -- and while that's kind of refreshing, it doesn't make for a very interesting story. I also had a heckuva time telling several of them apart, especially during the early scenes.

Also, the scenes in which the men get wounded are laughable. During an early sequence when their ship gets hit (and eventually sunk), the men sway and every single one comes up with a bloody nose. When men are shot, there's a quiet wound clutch with thrown-back head before a slump over. Every time.

Watchable, if unmemorable.

C+

Lonely Are the Brave (1962)

The opening sequence is a beautiful representation of the entire film: a cowboy is stretched out in the desert, hands behind his head, relaxed and rugged. The camera pans up and we see a jet leave its trail across the sky and, with that streak of white across the blue, we understand that the man is an anachronism.

Kirk Douglas is perfectly cast as Jack Burns who, as he says, doesn't "tune [his] life to the numbers on a calendar." He visits civilization to break his pal, who got caught helping illegal immigrants, out of jail. The only way to do this is to get himself tossed in and escape with his friend who, unfortunately, prefers to stay put and do his time. So, for the last half of the movie, Jack's a man alone and on the run with a laid-back sheriff (Walter Matthau) in pursuit.

Good film, though the pre-escape portion is the more beautiful and relatable -- the last half, at times, focusing too much on the pursuers.

B+

The Omen (2006)

Sorta creepy at times but there's absolutely no suspense if you've seen the original. And, come to think of it, the original wasn't all that suspenseful in the first place.

I'm guessing that the idea of releasing an Antichrist movie on June 6, 2006 (6/6/6) seemed like enough of a hook to the filmmakers. They were wrong.

C-

The King (2006)

OK...what the heck did I just watch?

Elvis (Gael Garcia Bernal), fresh out of the navy, decides to track down his biological father (William Hurt), now a preacher in Texas. When dad rejects him, things get weird. I don't mean regular ol' strange weird -- I mean what is wrong with this kid weird.

Much of the film I spent trying to figure out Elvis's motivation. Was it a craving to be accepted? Was it revenge? Was it just plain "he's out of his gourd"? I couldn't figure out whether to pity him, root for him, or be very very scared of him.

As confused as I was, I have to admit that the film was perversely fascinating. Even as I dreaded what the next scene might possibly bring, I couldn't tear my eyes away. I wouldn't call this a brilliant or even really a good movie. However, it is undeniably original and, I think, kinda believable in a rather frightening way.

C+

The Puffy Chair (2006)

Take a selfish ass, stick him in a rental van with his insecure girlfriend, goose things with the unexpected addition of his otherworldly brother and send them all on a roadtrip to take the title chair to dad. What fun!

Spoiler: it's not as awesome as the formula makes it sound. I could barely take the 85 minutes I spent with this group -- an actual roadtrip with them would probably force me to jump out and take a risk hitching, even if the only motorist willing to pick me up was driving a dirty white van with curtains in the windows.

The only thing saving this movie from an "F" is the fact that it had Matt Pond PA on the soundtrack.

D-

A Prairie Home Companion (2006)

I'd call myself a casual fan of Garrison Keillor's radio show. If I'm in the car early on a Saturday or Sunday evening, that's where my dial is tuned. I've even found myself sitting in the idling car for a good 20 minutes to catch the end of a show, even after I've reached my destination. As Virginia Madsen's character notes in the film, it isn't all that funny, but it does make me smile -- like delightful conversation with comfortable friends.

So why doesn't this movie work? I can tell it's aiming for the same easy-going vibe that the radio show has...but somehow it misses it completely. Instead of come-what-may, everything feels so affected. I really don't like the device of having Guy Noir (Kevin Kline) as an actual guy rather than a character and Madsen's "Dangerous Woman" was just stupid. Although I enjoyed the easy back and forth between the longtime performing sisters (Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin), Streep's exaggerated midwestern accent was completely distracting -- especially as it didn't match Tomlin's at all. Lindsay Lohan's performance as an eye-rolling daughter was weak but, in fairness, there didn't seem to be much to work with character-wise (I'm an annoyed dark poetess!).

Keillor's the best thing the movie has in front of the camera. He's deadpan and relaxed -- he rambles and tosses off witty one-liners (my favorite was something like: "I'm at the age where if I start giving eulogies, I'd never stop"). Basically, his on-screen persona is equal to his on-air persona -- he didn't bother with any of the fancy devices he apparently thought were necessary for the rest of the screenplay.

I think it's an unfortunate misfire. For some reason, Keillor tried to make something big and ambitious out of something that is a small and quiet delight. I'd think he'd know better.

C-

For Whom the Bell Tolls (1943)

The story starts off with an exciting ambush, chase, and sacrifice. I mentally rubbed my hands together and my eyes shone with "oh-boy" anticipation. Unfortunately, this overlong film turned into a boring talk-fest. The last several minutes did burst back into life -- but two incredible bookends can't distract from the worthless volumes between them.

The lovely, hopeful Ingrid Bergman pretty much pulls this movie up a grade level all by herself. There's life in her performance.

C-

The Education of Shelby Knox (2005)

We follow Lubbock student Shelby Knox through her last three years of high school. Shelby's from a strong Christian background but is active in her town's "Youth Commission," the main focus of which is to get better sex education in schools (the current "education" is to push abstinence only).

The obnoxious and idiotic Ed Ainsworth (aka "sex Ed") is a youth pastor in Lubbock and has a successful conference for teens called "True Love Waits." Shelby attends the lecture and makes the "purity pledge" at the end to remain a virgin until after she's married. From what we saw in the film, it looks like his talk consists of disparaging those who've ever had sex outside the bounds of marriage and giving incorrect information: about STDs (you can catch 'em from a handshake) and condoms (they're only 85% effective). Ed pops up a few other times to tell Shelby how wrong she is for being open-minded about sex education and to ruin the local kids' hanging out time by strutting into the middle of the group to question one kid about why he hasn't been at church while arguing with a gay couple that it's wrong because God didn't "create Adam and Steve." Yeah, that'll work, Ed. I can't possibly put into words how much this man turned my stomach and how very ineffective he was at truly connecting with kids who weren't already in the Christian community.

I grew up going to church and listening to purity sermons and "giving my word to stop at third" (actually, we were told that even holding hands was opening the door wide for Satan. I'm serious). It wasn't until I was in my 20s, however, that I recognized the damage that the church's narrow-mindedness does -- and not only in their outreach to those who don't agree with their agenda -- but to those kids who really want to adhere to them. For the record, my faith in God remains; my faith in the American church does not. Anyway. I said all that to get to my point that I'm impressed to the toes with Shelby. She's not a teenage rebel hellion -- she's got her beliefs and isn't afraid to challenge those of the adults around her.

Back to the movie. It's a strong message. Sexual education is necessary. Keeping kids ignorant isn't the same thing as keeping them pure -- it's simply keeping them in the dark. Information is NOT EXPERIENCE. Lubbock's teen pregnancy and STD rates (well above the national average) should be enough to convince the school board that their way simply isn't working, but apparently fear of a plastic teaching dildo is stronger than the desire to keep the teens of Lubbock as safe as possible. I only hope that when this generation of teens take over the positions of power, they remember and make the necessary changes.

The weakness of the film is that it often loses focus. I was really not interested in the junior prick nominated president of the Youth Commission. We all got it -- he was part of the problem -- but he wasn't an interesting part of the story. We also got way too much of Shelby's family. They were supportive but nervous. They were also momentum killers.

To sum up: the subject's gold and the heroine a true inspiration. The film, however, could've used some work.

B-

Thank You For Smoking (2006)

Aaron Eckhart is Nick Naylor, an audacious lobbyist for Big Tobacco who seems to delight in going up against "Cancer Boy" on a morning talk show and questioning the expertise of an elementary school student's mother during Career Day in his son's class. He talks fast and smooth so that his ridiculous points seem to make perfect sense.

But there's just too much going on here. A newspaper exposé, an attack by a militant anti-smoking group, Naylor's boring divorce drama, etc. The film's strongest when we just get to hear the man talk -- no extra plotlines necessary. I especially enjoyed the early scene with the "M.O.D. (Merchants of Death) Squad," comprised of Nick and representatives for Alcohol and Tobacco.

It's a smart satire that aims a little too wide to be counted an unqualified success.

B+

The Notorious Bettie Page (2006)

Gretchen Mol is a revelation as Bettie Page, the "Pin-up Queen of the Universe." She's always been alright but never really impressive in other performances I've seen. Here, however, she transforms her look and takes on a vibrance that's missing from earlier work.

The film looks amazing. It's shot mostly in beautiful black and white, switching to oversaturated color for visits to Miami. The story is both entertaining and revelatory -- just about 20 years before Boogie Nights everything was so tame. I've always wondered how men could have possibly gotten turned on by the glimpse of an ankle (as was thought during the '20s), but it makes a bit more sense to me now: whatever's forbidden is what's desired.

We get a suggestion of ongoing molestation by Page's father, a peek at her short-lived physically abusive marriage, and know of an episode of sexual assault -- none of which seem to damage Bettie long-term. Her (lack of) reaction is somewhat mysterious and leaves viewers on their own to decipher what it means. Maybe she was in denial. Perhaps she was wounded so badly that she decided to wield her sexuality rather than let others dictate how it would be used. My interpretation is that she was simply so pure that she was able to see the abuse for what it was: something that happened through no fault of her own. When you're blameless, I imagine it's easy to be happy.

And happiness is what Bettie Page exudes in every scene -- even when posing with a riding crop ready to strike a bound model, her intended scowl looks more like joy. She seems always somewhat bewildered by why anyone would be interested in these silly costumes, but is willing to oblige because she finds them harmless and fun. What a delightfully non-judgmental attitude. We need a few more Bettie Pages and a few less Jerry Falwells in the world.

B+

The Proposition (2006)

I was pretty disappointed by the first 20 minutes or so. After the initial scene, the story looked as though it was all laid out and that there would be few surprises. Thankfully, my perceptions proved inaccurate as the film progressed.

This is a moody little movie about a notorious family of Australian outlaws and a lawman determined to civilize the land by using his wits, not brutality. About halfway through, I began to view it as a marvel, perhaps even a masterpiece.

I was also impressed with the soundtrack. It was impeccable -- evoking the perfect lonely, sad tone.

A