The Black Phone (2022)

Boys are disappearing from a small town in the '70s. When the kid we "know" is snatched, we finally get to see what's going on. A weirdo with a mix & match mask set holds the kids in his basement ready to punish them if they're bad -- and it's definitely bad to try to escape. Lucky thing there's a magic phone in the basement that receives calls from previous victims with helpful tips & tricks for the current captive.

It's pretty dumb and poorly acted. The scariest scene was the very real-looking beating received by a daughter from her belt-wielding father. That was effective because it was honest, not to mention familiar to my own grew-up-in-the-70s ass.

D

The Nightingale (2019)

An Irish ex-convict in Australia has been waiting for her ticket of leave from a British officer for months, but he is refusing to give it because he enjoys raping her too much. That she's married with a child is of no matter to him. Though she has played nice in hopes of eventually securing her release, she finally chooses the path of vengeance when he leaves her nothing else to live for.

Though the film is full of brutality, the most upsetting thing is the inhumanity of the soldiers. They're worse than monsters and it's terrifying that our current-day cops and soldiers operate similarly: a veneer of respectability that hides/excuses depravity.

B

Words on Bathroom Walls (2020)

Adam is forced to switch schools halfway through his senior year, which is stressful enough on its own, but the school change is due to a psychotic break resulting from schizophrenia. So, he's on an experimental drug treatment, struggling with his mother's (extremely patient) boyfriend, her unexpected pregnancy, fear of failing classes, and a loss of dependable sense of taste, which interferes with his dream of being a chef.

There's a lot to like here. Adam's family is truly there for him, even when it's difficult, but he is still a teenage kid who makes rash decisions for short-term gains. I enjoyed the voices in his head made real -- you could see how they'd be both an irritant and a comfort. And, although I'm not a huge fan of "love conquers all" storylines, at least his love interest has some depth to her.

All in all a decent "teen dealing with shit" story, which might not have worked with a less talented actor than Charlie Plummer.

B-

Not Okay (2022)

Danni is a delusional aspiring writer on the brink of getting fired from her (non-writer) online magazine job. She instagrams a fake trip to a made-up writer's retreat in Paris, gaining her the followers she's been craving. But, when a terrorist attack hits Paris, she's suddenly a "survivor" expected to have insight into fear and grief. So, of course, she fakes that too -- gaining even more followers.

I have a feeling that Danni, though aggressively unsympathetic, is not at all unrealistic. She's so completely unlikable that it's hard not to be impressed with the film's commitment to keeping her that way. It's a tad long, but I still enjoyed this quite a bit.

B-

Do Revenge (2022)

Drea is a mean girl who is cast out of the popular group when her risque video is leaked. Eleanor is a tomboy transfer student with a long-held grudge against a student at the new school. They form a "Strangers on a Train" pact to exact revenge on each other's bullies.

This was way more fun that I could've expected. The only flat note was the stunt-casting of Sarah Michelle Gellar as the headmaster, which didn't add anything to the story except distraction.

B

Vengeance (2022)

Novak is a writer for The New Yorker and he's part of hookup culture, with dozens of women saved in his phone as reminders rather than names. When he's informed that one he's labeled "Texas" has died and that her family believes he's her boyfriend, he is pressured into attending her funeral. Her family is convinced she was murdered and, though he doubts that, he sees a potential for a podcast in the family's reluctance to accept the facts of her death.

I laughed out loud many times at the fish-out-of-water situations of a New Yorker in west Texas, but what really got me was the incisiveness of the script. Take for example, this brilliant observation by a music producer whom Novak expected would be a rube:

I wasn't a fan of the way things wrapped up, but that's more because I was invested and wanted to retain my illusions. But I guess that's how people get suckered into bad situations, an underlying theme here.

B+

Metal Lords (2022)

An "odd-couple" pair of high school friends are forming a metal band. In their search for a third member, they clash over whether to accept a female cellist.

This hits a lot of familiar "coming of age" beats: first love, a falling out, mental illness, and clashes with a parent -- but none of those elements feel tired here. The novelty of embracing metal in a Coldplay kind of world was part of it, but I really think a lot of this film's success comes down to the fresh talent of Adrian Greensmith as the dominant friend. He's magnetic and I can't wait to see what he does next.

B+

Prey (2022)

In the 1700s, a young woman is bent on proving herself as a warrior and she's sure that something big is out there. Not a lion or bear as her brother and the other young males of the tribe suspect, but something else. Turns out she's right since a predator -- as in, you know that Predator -- has landed nearby.

This is a real missed opportunity. The girl and her brother have an interesting dynamic, but it feels like a cheapo. The action is shot in quick-cuts and closeups, making it difficult to see what's happening, and the story is threadbare.

C+

Encanto (2021)

The story is strong. It concerns familial expectation/pressure to perform and the hurt that can cause.

The songs, however, let it down bigtime. Gary and I tried to watch this months ago and stopped literally during the first song -- it was so frenetic and wordy that it felt like too much work to catch everything.

C

The House (2022)

Three different stories, all set in the same house across different time periods. The first is a human family being gifted the house by an artist as long as they agree to live in it and give the designer free rein. The second is a mouse flipping the house and dealing with two different pest infestations. The third is a cat landlady trying to collect rent from tenants without money while her house is being jeopardized by flood waters.

All of the stories are weird, but none are any fun. The first segment is frustrating and cruel. The second segment is disgusting and sad. Though the third is the best, that's only by default because it's not very interesting.

I disliked this immensely.

D

Girl in the Picture (2022)

A child is placed in foster care after his mother is killed in a hit-and-run. His father is discovered to have no DNA claim to him and loses visiting privileges, so he kidnaps the kid from school. The ensuing investigation uncovers several false names for both the man and his dead wife. And that's just the tip of it! But, somehow, this documentary weaves all of the threads into a cohesive whole.  

It's well-crafted but stays away from sensationalism. The revelations about who the young woman was are the most affecting parts. To hear how fondly all of those in her life speak about her and the positive presence she was despite the ugly circumstances of her life was absolutely inspirational.

B

Thor: Love and Thunder (2022)

Thor's back in fighting shape, just in time to be threatened by a new baddie: the God Butcher. He's joined in the fight by his ex-girlfriend, who is now a Thor herself. She's even got the reconstituted hammer to prove it.

Though fun (especially Russell Crowe's bit), it's also extremely lightweight. No complaints from me on that score, but the "all jokes all the time" approach makes this feel like a kids' movie.

B-

Loving Vincent (2017)

It's all about the beautiful moving paintings that make up this film. I mean, there's nothing wrong with the story at all, but these works of art masquerading as a film are what make this worth watching. Every single image could be hung in a gallery.

I did come away thinking it's probable that Vincent didn't shoot himself and that, perhaps, it was a conscious decision on his part to allow his injury to end his life. But, again, the story is absolutely secondary.

B

Elvis (2022)

Covers the entirety of Elvis's career from the perspective of Colonel Parker, his longtime manager. And that's the whole problem. The performances were all good and I was never bored, but to have most scenes narrated in a wet-sounding weirdly babyish sing-song delivery was more than offputting. I really wanted it to stop.

Also, I watched this several days ago and I haven't thought about it once until now.

C+

I Came By (2022)

The only exciting part of this movie comes early on. A young man breaks into a well-off person's home for mischief and discovers a hostage being held there. But reporting the abductor is a problem since the hostage was discovered by a criminal. Too bad this intriguing set-up was previously used in the superior (but still not great) "Bad Samaritan."

The rest of the movie is like a brand new coloring book. It's all outlines with nothing colored in. Time flows by in month-long chunks, and people's storylines just end without comment so we're unsure whether they're dead or what. There seems to have been an attempt at back story with the delinquent and his mother (he's cruel and bitter while she's a widowed psychiatrist), but -- again -- no details to get us invested.

If this type of story is your jam, don't bother with this one because you'll be disappointed. I think you'll at least be less disappointed by Bad Samaritan. Not only does it do a better job of pulling us into the lives, but David Tennant's just a cooler villain than Hugh Bonneville.

D

100 Meters (2017)

Executive type gets a difficult MS diagnosis, but decides to fight back by training for an Ironman Triathlon. His grumpy father-in-law used to be an athlete and trainer, so he takes on a coaching role despite their strained relationship.

It's a pretty straightforward triumph-in-the-face-of story. Though it took a while to warm up to the characters, I kind of appreciated that they weren't saints. Even with the hardships, it wasn't natural to want to cheer on this rich, cranky guy or his deliberately difficult f-i-l. That I spilled a few tears at the end is as much a testament to the effective storytelling as a total surprise for me.

B-

The Long Dumb Road (2018)

Kid is roadtripping to his first year of art school when his car breaks down. A just-fired mechanic offers to take a look and, after a quick repair, asks for a ride to a nearby town. It's soon clear that the kid is stuck with this wildcard, for both good and ill.

Though it's not difficult to watch, there's really no reason to spend time with this movie. It doesn't have anything to say and it doesn't show us anything new.

C-