The Shallows (2016)

Surfer Nancy finally finds the beach that her now-deceased mother loved. She enjoys some surfing but then pushes her luck by staying out for one last run though the other surfers are packing up. She winds up hurt and trapped on a small bit of rock, unable to get back to shore because of a nearby shark.

Even with a short runtime, Blake Lively was not a compelling enough presence to keep my attention. There are a couple of decent surfing shots but they're not enough.

C-

The Howling (1981)

We start off -- with almost no explanation -- watching a woman who is going to meet a guy who's been stalking her. We gather that she's a newswoman and she's doing this for her show. She's got a team listening in, but the wire goes dead like they do and she's suddenly on her own in a sex shop with movie booths. There's a BDSM porno playing and a man with a truly repellent way of moving his tongue in her booth and then cops show up and start shooting and I didn't know what the hell was going on, just that I was having no fun at all. But, good news, she can go on a retreat with her husband to recover. But, wouldn'tcha know it, it's not so much a retreat as a werewolf convention. Womp womp.

Though the end scene was pretty smart, on the whole this was a ridiculous, disjointed film with some truly hilarious special effects (my favorite of which was the poorly animated werewolves fucking by a fire). I mean, was this ever cutting edge?

D-

Gaslight (1944)

After her aunt/guardian is murdered in their London home, Paula relocates to Italy. Several years later, she meets and falls for the charming Gregory, who has always dreamed of living in London so, despite her trauma, they move back to her English home together. But Paula becomes forgetful and paranoid -- misplacing items, imagining things, and hearing noises in the closed-off floor above. Her husband is impatient and she's frightened.

Now that the term "gaslighting" has entered into common usage to mean psychological manipulation -- basically denying a person's sane observations -- one can easily guess what's going on here by the title. It's a cruel story that I would've doubted could ever actually work just 20 years ago, but having witnessed the way that so much of the population now simply trusts what Fox News, internet trolls, Trump, podcasts, etc tell them rather than hearing out sources beyond their own bubble, I now know just how accurate this method can be, which makes this even more scary now than it was in the 1940s. Yikes.

B

The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

Deborah and her daughter Sarah agree to having a documentary crew chronicle them as they deal with Deborah's Alzheimer's disease. But Deborah seems more than just confused -- and the cameras capture some inexplicable happenings.

Ugh. It's just another one of those reliant-on-jump-scares, too dark, too in-your-face, too loud, shaky-camera messes. There's some lore about a serial killer doctor who may have been murdered himself, but that's just more fluff that means nothing. It's a confusing waste of time.

D

Three Strangers (1946)

Three people who've never before met agree to be bound to each other by a mutual agreement, in hopes that lore of wishing before a goddess statue at the stroke of the Chinese New Year will reward them. 

The set-up is pretty great. But, once we start following the individuals, the "magic" dissipates and morphs into three small stories of people entangled in unsavory circumstances. I'm not saying that I wasn't entertained, but it quickly became something other than the spookiness the first act got me primed to enjoy.

C+

Misery (1990)

Famous writer crashes in the middle of a snowstorm, but is rescued and nursed back to health by his "number one fan."

I saw this more than 25 years ago and was surprised at just how well it holds up. Kathy Bates is absolutely superb as Annie, treading the line between giddy fan and demanding captor brilliantly; there were times my heart actually twinged for her. But it's James Caan who quietly makes this movie really work. He plays it just right as both the grateful patient and the desperate captive. I truly think the best thrillers know that humans are scarier than anything supernatural could ever be.

B

Case 39 (2010)

Emily, a social worker with too much on her plate, is assigned yet another case. When the parents in the new case try to kill their daughter Lilith by duct taping her into a hot oven, Emily agrees to provide emergency foster care for her and finds out rather quickly that the parents might have had the right idea.

There were some really cool effects, but the overall vibe was one of inevitability. I was left wondering why the Lilith demon didn't employ a bit of subtlety so that her family was only baffled rather than terrified.

C-

Opus (2025)

Alfred Moretti, legendary musician, is dropping his first album in almost 30 years and has invited a handful of people to join him at his ranch for an exclusive first listen over the course of a weekend. Ariel is surprised to receive an invitation as she's an entry-level journalist while the other guests are much more well-known.

As the weekend unfolded, I was put in mind of Midsommar (outsiders welcomed into an established ecosystem with an undercurrent of danger) and as the visitors started to disappear, I thought I'd nailed the reference. Ayo Edebiri as Ariel/our avatar kept it honest, reacting plausibly to each new situation and refusing to just go along to get along. That said, it was the denouement that shocked me in the best way: understanding, finally, exactly what had occurred and why was such a satisfying experience.

A-

The Picture of Dorian Gray (1945)

A pure young man has his portrait painted and thoughtlessly wishes that he could always remain as it portrays him while the painting would age in his stead. Under the influence of the worldly Lord Wotton, he heads down a path of hedonism. But, per his wish, his physicality never bears the marks of his actions while the portrait grows monstrous.

Though the film is black and white, the painting itself is often shown in gorgeous color, which is so effective, especially in the early scenes. We not only see but feel its power, as though -- if it were hanging in a museum -- we'd stand in front of it for hours. Where the film fails is in its horrors, which are left wholly to our imaginations except for two instances. The painting's magic worked a little too well in that it was extremely difficult to believe Dorian capable of terrible acts when we only see him in his innocent state.

B

They Will Kill You (2026)

After shooting her abusive father, Asia tries to escape, leaving her little sister behind. Years later, after a stint in prison, Asia takes a job as a maid in a building with all of the bad vibes. But she's got a purpose for being there and she's not the easy pickings the residents assumed.

It's all blood, guts and what the fuck moving at breakneck speed. Gory yet silly fun.

B-

Seance on a Wet Afternoon (1964)

Myra makes her living as a medium, hosting weekly seances for a small group of regulars. Her husband Billy is clearly devoted to the care of his wife, but whether it's out of love or duty is hard to tell; we do learn that Myra was in a bad way for a while, possibly due to the stillbirth of their only son Arthur. We meet them just before they enact a plan to kidnap the young daughter of a rich family for ransom and to boost Myra's credibility as a medium.

The mood, pacing, acting, script -- just everything -- is pretty near perfect. There was tension, but it never came off as false or unnecessarily stretched-out. We feel Billy's hope that maybe he can somehow wriggle out of the plan, but understand that's just not who he is when he gives in to his wife's insistence. I was especially glad that the child herself was neither bratty nor docile. She, like everyone else, behaved just as one would expect in the very odd but also strangely believable circumstances. 

A-

Cape Fear (1962)

Lawyer Sam Bowden is enjoying a cushy life when a Max Cady, a nasty piece of work from his past, shows up in town. Max has spent the last 8 years in jail studying the law and planning revenge on Sam for his part in putting him there. He's a truly scary dude who knows just how far he can go without putting a toe over the legal line. Bowden is aware that the law won't help him until after there's an actual crime and is not OK with the wait & see approach when it's his family at risk.

The tension is so thick that I had to take a break in the middle of watching. Very well done, but Max is also just incredibly depraved making it difficult to be entertained. The script is smart enough to let our minds fill in blanks rather than to spell everything out, but I guess my mind can be a terrifying place. I mean, when a visibly traumatized prostitute couldn't even talk about what he did to her, it stopped being fun.

B-

There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane (2011)

Diane was the responsible driver in a crash that killed 8 people in two vehicles. Though she had a blood alcohol level equivalent to 10 drinks in her system, those closest to her refuse to believe it. They instead insist that there's another explanation: testing contamination or an underlying physical explanation.

I fully understand this need to protect your loved one's memory from a truth that would completely ruin it, but I don't get why anyone thought that this particular example was the most interesting one about which to make a movie. I'm guessing that the four dead children is such a horrific outcome that it was mistaken for a fascinating one.

C

Obsession (2026)

Baron has a crush on co-worker Nikki so, when he finds a product that promises him one wish, he buys it makes a wish that she love him more than anything. Great set-up, but it falls apart almost immediately because whoever's granting wishes doesn't understand what love is. I think I'd have been completely on board if the wish were that she is crazy about him or can't live without him or is obsessed with him or a thousand other ways the wish could've been phrased... just not "love."

That said, I really enjoyed the mechanics of the spell. I liked that the real Nikki was trapped under the wish and could, very briefly, sometimes emerge. I also enjoyed when she was just plain weird: like when she'd move unnaturally or stand in a dark corner to watch him sleep. But most of what she did made zero sense as love, unless we're going to say a man who beats people to a bloody pulp for the sin of looking at his woman might have done it because he just loves her so much. Ugh.

C

Frankenstein (1931)

Victor Frankenstein removes himself from society, becoming obsessed with his attempts to create life from dead tissue. Nothing can tempt him away from his experiments: not his old professor, his father, nor even his girl. But, of course, they eventually prevail and drag him away to convalesce and finally return to his old self. Too bad his creation doesn't also have a retreat from his hell.

It's one of those films that is familiar through so much parody that I knew it even though I'd never seen it. It's got everything a good story needs, including a powerful sense of the tragic -- I really felt for the sad-eyed beast who didn't know his own strength -- but it's been done so much better so many times since. It will just have to content itself with being the first rather than the best.

C+

Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

Though she's only just returned to the area after several years away, Virginia has already become a member of the "Top Ten" (the most popular kids in school), so it's too bad that the group has begun to disappear one after the other! It's eventually disclosed to viewers that Virginia's been the recipient of experimental brain regeneration after being in a crash which killed her mother. Could the fact that she can't remember where she was/what she was doing at the times of her friends' disappearances be connected? Hopefully her therapist (Glenn Ford!!???) can help her get to the bottom of things.

I mean, her friends all suck but Virginia kinda sucks too as she seems indifferent to the common courtesy of not dating a friend's ex. Still, no one deserves the insanity of the last scene.

D+

The Invisible Man (1933)

A scientist stumbles upon an injection that causes invisibility (and, it seems, criminal tendencies), but hasn't yet cracked the antidote. In order to work without interruption, he travels to a small town in a snowstorm and takes a room while concealing his condition under heavy winter wrappings. Soon his violent temper gets him evicted and he responds by terrorizing the town and eventually killing a cop.

The good: the special effects are quite impressive and I bought the terror from his best friend. The bad: the silly comments while harassing the public (especially since they didn't seem to be audible to his victims) and the fact that no one could figure out how to catch him even though it was often clear where he was. The wtf: because he had to be naked to be undetectable, all I could think of was his wide open ass whenever we saw a chair indent because he'd sat in it.

C+