Valley Girl (1983)

Julie lives in the -- apparently preppy/safe -- Valley while Randy's from rough and punky Hollywood. But they're drawn to each other despite the fact that none of Julie's friends get it. It's Romeo & Juliet with super low stakes and a super thin plot. The only laughs I got were from Julie's aging hippy parents.

Also, what the heck is going on with this poster? It's like it was designed by someone who wasn't allowed to see the actual film (or the actual actress) so just guessed it might be something like Grease.

C-

Betrayal (1983)

The story of an adulterous affair, told backward.  We see the denouement, the breakup, the middle, the early, and the very beginning.  It was effective because of the way my emotions were reversed: I didn't know/care about these people who were reflecting on the "once was" and was only mildly interested in the next scene...but my involvement grew which each new, earlier revelation.  It was strangely powerful and fascinating.

A-

Here's the beginning of the affair/almost last scene of the film:
 

Reuben, Reuben (1983)

A washed-up poet, living on readings to bored housewives who later jump into bed with him, finds himself completely smitten with a college student at least 20 years his junior (Kelly McGillis).

The story starts out kind of promisingly: his disdain for himself and almost everyone he meets coupled with his verbal acuity was interesting for a while...but not long enough. It actually got rather uncomfortable in the last half. It was harder to watch him after falling head over heels (and hard to believe  that the empty McGillis could inspire anything beyond an erection) as at least before he hadn't been making any attempts at likability.

D+

Strange Invaders (1983)

Shockingly bad in every single way. Felt more like Garth Marenghi's Darkplace than an actual attempt to tell a story. If I believed for a second that the filmmakers intended it as a joke I might be able to get behind it -- but I'd still want to know why it wasn't funnier.

D-

Fanny and Alexander (1983)

Core story in a nutshell: Dad dies, Mom marries a mean man, friend of the family helps them escape back home. Should that really take more than three hours to tell?

The story doesn't really pick up until after the new marriage, which doesn't occur until a couple of hours in. It's beautiful and kind of interesting, but almost always confusing and meandering.

C

A Christmas Story (1983)

Always a delight -- I love it so much I even wrote a mafia game based on the film!

This was at least the fifteenth time I've seen it and my only complaint is that I'm hyper-aware of how hard it is to understand what Ralphie's saying in the early scenes. I've memorized nearly every line in the film and it's a good thing since I almost always have to interpret for someone watching along with me.

A

Zelig (1983)

Really not that clever an idea…and it just goes on and on. It might have been fun if this was the story of a con man rather than mental illness. Pretty boring.

D

National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)

Simply doesn't hold up. There are a few funny one-liners, but it's slow going and some of the acting (Coca's in particular) is truly bad.

B

The Dresser (1983)

This is probably, like, I don't know…a really important movie about actors and the hell through which they put themselves for their art and blah blah blah. But I don't care. When I hate the characters, it's quite difficult for me to love the movie. I tend to be repulsed by the narcissism necessary to be a good actor. The way I feel is that if you can't be bothered to be a decent person...I don't give a rat's ass how convincing a King Lear you make.

D+

The Outsiders (1983)

Can't live up to the book on which it's based. Works better as a "look how young they were" exercise for the young actors who populate the cast in early roles than as an effective film. It's a shame that the proceedings feel so flat; the story truly is a moving one.

C

Strange Brew (1983)

Really laugh-out-loud at moments. But the effects suck (what do you want? It's from the mid-80s!) and the story's just an excuse for Bob and Doug to be Bob and Doug.

C+

To Be or Not to Be (1983)

Amusing (at times) story of a Polish theater troupe during WWII. Too muted to be the riot it wants to be.

C+

WarGames (1983)

Supremely dated thriller that's too simplistic for adults and that kids (my kids, at least) don't quite understand without pauses and explanations. Broderick hacked more interestingly in FB's Day Off, but Sheedy's incompetence as an actress is somewhat hidden by her character's flightiness.

C

Testament (1983)

There's nothing technically wrong with Testament. It's a story of nuclear fallout, the result of which is terror, loneliness, fear, and death. The acting was impressive – I usually have to give children a little leeway, as I often catch them mouthing the lines of the person speaking or committing any number of acting crimes, which can only be blamed on immaturity. But the acting here was not a problem; it was first-rate all the way around. And the story seemed real. With the threat of Y2K looming near, this didn't seem like a fairy tale.

So what IS the problem with Testament? Relentlessness. I was physically exhausted and emotionally drained by the time the credits were finally rolling. Pretty impressive for a movie only 89 minutes long! It is a powerful, horrible film. I am still haunted by the dull-eyed image of Jane Alexander going through the motions of yet another death in the house – too spent to break down. It's a good movie but depressing as hell. See it, just don't expect to be entertained.

B