Time Bandits (1981)

When a group of time traveling little people take a path through a British kid's bedroom, he follows them. Soon he's aiding in their robberies and providing much-needed geographical and historical knowledge.

What a bizarre, irreverent, and silly movie. We laughed a lot.

B

The Paramedic (2020)

Angel is a paramedic. He's also overly jealous and controlling with his girlfriend, who is taking night classes to become a veterinarian. When he's in an accident that leaves him in a wheelchair, he becomes even more difficult and, eventually, dangerous.

Angel had absolutely no redeeming qualities, but we knew too much about him for him to be a scary boogeyman-type. It was super weird to have this sociopath serve as the star of the film. I was worried for his victims and would've preferred to be seeing things from their perspectives.

C+

Ava (2020)

Ava's an assassin with a hell of a lot of baggage ranging from addiction to daddy issues. She's great at her work, but is near to being "closed" as it looks like she's headed for a second breakdown.

There's simply too much going on here: Ava's ex is now with her sister, the ex is into an underground gambling den with seemingly endless disposable heavies, her passive-aggressive mother wants to cut Ava's hair... I mean, come on. This is a case where the old advice "take a look at yourself and remove one accessory" could've come in handy.

C

Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020)

Bill & Ted thought they'd written the song to unite the world in their last movie, but turns out that wasn't it. Now they're on the verge of losing their wives and time is running out for them to come up with the song. Their early-20s daughters are determined to pitch in to help, too.

There are a couple of fun moments -- usually when Death or "Dennis Caleb McCoy" the killer robot are on-screen -- but not enough to justify this sequel. Really, it just made me kind of sad.

C-

Honest Thief (2020)

A successful bank robber meets a woman, falls in love, and decides to go straight. For him, this means turning himself in and making a deal for a light sentence with full visitation rights. Too bad the agents assigned to vet his story are more interested in grabbing the money than in accepting his confession.

The plot is extremely thin, but Liam Neeson and Kate Walsh have great chemistry and the action moves along at a clip. I was rooting for the couple and into the fast pace of the chases, so I was happy with this "turn off your brain" time in front of a screen.

B-

Drunk Parents (2019)

Wealthy couple are suddenly skint, dodging creditors and repo-men, while trying to hide this situation from their just-off-to-college daughter. It's incredibly stupid and I'm pretty sure some of the plotlines came out of nowhere, but it was also just funny. Stuff that shouldn't work somehow did anyway -- probably due to the gameness of Alec Baldwin & Salma Hayek.

To be clear: I am not recommending this movie, but I also refuse to condemn it.

C

The Matrix Resurrections (2021)

Thirty minutes in, my husband and I agreed that we both were enjoying ourselves. The story very cleverly explains away Neo's death and got us excited for what was to come. Unfortunately, a whole lot of exposition and callbacks are what came. I mean, it wasn't horrible, but it definitely fell short.

C

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

Sam (Tom Hanks) is a widower with an 8-year-old son and Annie (Meg Ryan) is a journalist engaged to a solid, but unremarkable guy. When Annie hears Sam on a call-in show, she's moved and becomes a bit obsessed. Soon she's flying out to Seattle for a "story" and then fleeing back home when she chickens out of actually introducing herself.

This is the third or fourth time I've seen this film, and it's still very charming. I especially love how Annie's fiancee isn't made out to be a doofus or asshole -- he's just not "the one" and that's OK.

B+

Silent Night (2021)

It slowly becomes apparent that a Christmas get-together of friends and their families is not the usual gathering. The world is ending and this group has decided to go out together. Though I didn't buy the decision of all of these people to willingly end their lives, the situation was undeniably interesting. I couldn't help thinking about it and asking my own family what they would do.

So... great idea but it needed some tweaking to be more than that.

B-

The Holly and the Ivy (1954)

An unhappy family gathers for Christmas. They are comprised of a parson, a rich older widow, a judgmental old woman whose deepest relationship is with her cat, an irresponsible young soldier, a drunk black-sheep young woman with secrets, and a dutiful daughter who longs to be free. 

It's just a bunch of talking and misery.

D+

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (2021)

Finally, a movie that understands how to use Awkwafina! Her dry humor is great when it's not allowed to run on for paragraphs of manic dialogue, and that's just how it works here. I'd say that the entire movie follows that rule as well -- scenes that are fun and/or exciting, but which know when to wrap up. 

It's still a superhero movie, which is ever only going to rise to the level of "fine" for me, though.

B-

One Special Night (1999)

When a snowstorm threatens on Thanksgiving, a widow gives a lift to a man who was visiting his wife in a nursing home. Soon they're stuck in the snow and they break into a cabin as their only option. There's lots of (forced) bickering and more than a little misogyny on display, but it's also fairly good-natured and, by the end of their stay, they've made plans to meet up.

Inoffensive for the most part, but also very by-the-numbers.

C

The Spirit of Christmas (2015)

Lawyer Kate is sent to get a historic inn appraised for sale before the end of the year. Problem is, no appraiser wants the job because the place is haunted. Since it's closed for the season, Kate decides to stay there until she can get the job done. Whaddya know... the appraisers had it right. 

This is a bizarro story about a ghost who ISN'T a ghost 12 days out of the year, but a living, breathing, eating, petulant dickwad. Kate takes this in stride and makes it her goal to figure out how he died in order to, hopefully, send him onto the afterlife and out of the inn. Will she get ghost fever instead? Is this a danged Christmas romance?

Bad acting + crazy story = a movie even the biggest helping Christmas cheer cannot forgive.

D

The Miracle of the Bells (1948)

Olga's body has been brought to her hometown of Coaltown for burial, per her wishes. Bill (a press agent who changed the course of Olga's career) pays all of the churches in town to ring their bells nonstop for 3 days in order to get attention for the film Olga just completed, but it turns into something more than just a publicity stunt.

We get to know her through Bill's own memories, and these are by far the best bits of the movie. Olga is radiant -- it's easy to see why Bill would do everything he could to honor her last wishes. There's a lovely Christmas eve that they share with the old proprietor of a Chinese restaurant and a magical scene in which she performs an impromptu bit of acting from Joan of Arc. But the "here and now" parts with church politics and a muted Sinatra as a parish priest are pretty blah.

B-

A Castle for Christmas (2021)

Brooke Shields is an author who's just killed off a fan-favorite character. Facing backlash at home, she sets off for Scotland to see Castle Dun Dunbar, where her father's family worked when he was a child. The castle's for sale and she's rich... if it weren't for the grumpy Duke who owns the place, everything would be A-OK.

I tend to grade Christmas movies on a curve in the same way that I grade children's movies... they're meant to be seen through non-judgmental eyes. So, while this is a pedestrian, predictable movie with zero-chemistry romantic leads that would get a D+ if it didn't have "Christmas" in the title, I just can't help myself.

C+

Holly Star (2018)

A puppeteer gets fired so goes home with her tail between her legs. Her parents are away for Christmas, but they left her a gift in the form of her Grandmother's car (neglecting to tell Grandma). Her best friend is rough and weird in a good way and there's a Christmas tree lot-working love interest.

I want to be clear: this is not a good movie, but there were enough offbeat bits to make it watchable. There were a few dreams and memories that were acted out by puppets... those were weird but new. And the best friend should have a movie written about her. But, as a whole, it's a bunch of odd ideas (hidden treasure mystery, constant car drama, inducement of "life before your eyes" flashes, etc) crammed together in a story that doesn't amount to much. It felt as though the writer had been jotting down ideas since he was a teen and finally stuck them all in a single screenplay.

C

A Christmas Prince (2017)

Lowly copy editor gets the chance to do some actual reporting when she's sent on assignment to cover the coronation of a gossip-staple prince in Aldovia. What do you think happens? 

It's very thin but also very inoffensive.

C+

Beyond Tomorrow (1940)

Three tycoons have their Christmas Eve dinner plans fall through, so they decide to catch some new guests by throwing 3 wallets, each with $10 and identification, onto the busy sidewalk below to see if anyone will return them. They catch a cowboy far from home and a lovely lady who works at a children's hospital. Soon they're all fast friends, bringing joy to each others' lives, and the cowboy and the lady are falling in love.  

It's magic.... for the first half. But then it goes and gets ruined with the cowboy becoming a singing sensation and being seduced by fame. No.

C+

The Affairs of Cellini (1934)

Cellini is the court goldsmith, but works a lot harder at wooing every pretty woman he sees than at his craft. He's also well-known as an indiscriminate murderer, but somehow he always manages to wrangle a pardon for his crimes. When the duchess sets her eyes on him, his good luck finally takes a turn.

This is just a lot of fun. Frank Morgan as the Duke is particularly funny as a wanna-be philanderer who can't manage to put anything past his wife.

B

Love Hard (2021)

Natalie has turned her habit of being unlucky in love into a successful "Disaster Date" column. When she finally makes a real connection with a guy across the country, she decides to surprise him in-person in hopes of finally writing a piece about finding the right guy. Of course, he's not quite what he purported to be.

This could've been a bit of fluff, but it actually made a great point: catfishing is usually considered physicality not matching a photo but personality not matching is just as big a lie. Pretending to have interests and skills that we don't possess is also dishonest and unfair. But Nina Dobrev is not a good comedic actress. I can't quite put my finger on the issue (too low-key? a reluctance to go for big facial reactions?) but it was definitely a problem.

C+

Single All the Way (2021)

Perpetual singleton was excited to take his boyfriend home to meet his family for Christmas -- mainly to prove that he's not a problem they need to solve. When the relationship falls through at the last minute, his roommate of almost a decade reluctantly agrees to accompany him and pretend that they've fallen in love. But, of course, that's not exactly what happens.

It's not exactly lazy, but just a competent/"seen it a million times" story. Jennifer Coolidge puts her stamp on it, and that's never a bad thing! The best bit, however, came with the end credits in the form of a Christmas song performance. So, even if this movie doesn't sound like your jam, at least skip to the end and enjoy that one song. 

C+

The Ballad of Lefty Brown (2017)

Lefty's a cowboy whose only real skill is loyalty. He's not a quick thinker or mover, but he is determined to do the right thing. When his partner of 40 years is shot, Lefty goes after the killer, refusing to rest until he's tracked him down.

Except for the imperfect hero, this is a pretty standard story. Diverting, but unmemorable.

B-

The Lodger: A Story of the London Fog (1928)

"The Avenger" is killing blonde women every Tuesday night in London. Could the mysterious young man who shows up to rent a room in the area be the killer? The landlady suspects it could be true. The landlady's daughter is sure it isn't. And the landlady's daughter's boyfriend -- who happens to be the lead investigator on the case -- thinks "huh... he has designs on my gal, so probably."

I put it in my list because it's an early Hitchcock and, as silent movies go, it's fine.

C+

King Richard (2021)

Richard has high expectations for his five girls. Each of them is to do their best at whatever's in front of them: school, chores, sports, and attitude. He's no easier on himself -- not only does he own his own business and make sure the girls are working hard, he is hustling day after day to get the word out about the talent of Venus and Serena.

It's undeniably inspiring, but it's also way too one-note and overlong. If it wasn't for an exasperated speech by Brandy (Richard's wife) near the end of the movie, this would be an entirely unfair film which gives sole credit to Richard for the success of his children. As it stands, 90% of the film gives him credit and that's still a bit much.

B