Beauty and the Beast (1991)

Gary and I saw this in its original theatrical run... then again and again on VHS tape, not to mention the musical numbers in the "Sing Along Songs" tapes that our boys watched growing up. We were wowed by it -- we dreamed of Gary becoming an animator so that he could work on something this amazing.

So I was extremely surprised that, upon rewatch for the first time in probably 18 or so years, this just doesn't hold up. I'm not even talking about the problematic misogyny (though, yeah, that's not cool) -- it's the animation. It looks as janky as a Scooby-Doo episode most of the time. Immediately after this viewing, we cued up Cinderella to make sure it wasn't just an overly-critical eye expecting something that wasn't possible in the early '90s -- but, nope. Cinderella is more carefully executed than this was. Belle's features shift size from scene to scene and characters in the background often look as though the illustrators had 10 minutes to draw a dozen.

The live-action remake will probably be my go-to from here on out.

B-

Extra Ordinary (2019)

Rose is a lonely driving instructor, haunted by the tragic death of her father for which she blames herself. Due to his death, she refuses to dabble in the paranormal -- even though she is constantly asked to do so. When Martin Martin reaches out to her for assistance with his dead wife's ghost, she initially refuses. But, when his situation gets even more dire, she relents and does her best to help.

What a silly surprise this was. We laughed so hard so often -- Gary went so far as to applaud me when it was over because it had been my pick. Even Will Forte's involvement couldn't manage to ruin this.

B+

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

Ageless Diana Prince is working in a museum nearly 70 years after we last saw her. She's still pining for her lost love... who magically shows up after she wishes for it. But she's not the only one making wishes and the fulfillment of them brings widespread devastation.

After the initial scenes, there's just little enjoyment to be had here. Gadot is a blank, even when she's supposed to be in the throes of happiness at finally being with Steve again. Both Wiig and Pascal are fun in early scenes, but just get tedious as the film goes on. Somehow, even an '80s fashion montage -- complete with fanny packs and parachute pants -- falls flat.

Much like Mulan, I don't believe a big-screen release would've saved this. The lack of depth is the problem.

C

Mulan (2020)

Though live-action this time around, there's no more depth -- actually there might be a bit less depth -- to the characters than there was in the cartoon. It's gorgeous but that's about it. During the battlefield scene, I actually said aloud "I'd watch the Battle of the Bastards episode again" because, though it reminded me of the Game of Thrones scene (shields up), it didn't make me feel anything like GoT did.

C+

Bush Christmas (1947)

Three siblings and two friends track horse thieves in order to retrieve their father's mare. There's a little bit of danger and a lot of ingenuity, but it never sparks the way I hoped it would.

C

Black Christmas (1974)

Earlier this month, I watched the remake of this film so I thought I should see the original in hopes that it's a lot better than the new one. Good news: it is better. Bad news: not by much.

Right before Christmas break, a sorority house is receiving progressively-more-unhinged crank calls. Until one of their sisters goes missing, however, they hadn't bothered to report it. The police get involved as does the father of the missing girl, and -- all the while -- there's a killer picking off the sisters without anyone noticing.

In a word: ok.

C+

Gremlins (1984)

Man buys his teenage (?) son a cute new pet that comes with very specific instructions. When the instructions aren't followed, all hell breaks loose.

Even if the lead weren't blander than notebook paper, the story isn't much. It basically devolves into a "what else can we make these rubber puppets do that would be funny or shocking?" I was never laughing nor was I ever shocked.

D+

Elf (2003)

Although I still agree with the points I made about this film back in 2003, I no longer think those points matter more than the joy that the film holds. I giggled quite a bit this time through -- letting the spirit of the film matter more than its failures in execution.

B

3 Godfathers (1948)

A trio of bank robbers escapes into the desert, hotly pursued by the sheriff. Along the way, they come across a mother-to-be whose husband left for help but has surely perished before finding any. Just prior to dying, the new mother extracts a promise from the three men -- whom she has named her child's godfathers -- that they will protect her son. Even though that means they will be unlikely to evade capture, they all take their promise seriously.

It's a charmer of a story: one of those where you wind up rooting for the "bad" guys while still respecting the side of right.

B

This Christmas (2007)

A family with six grown kids gets together for the holidays. There are fights and laughs and revelations and major life changes... the usual holiday stuff. It's capable, but not particularly memorable.

C+

Die Hard (1988)

I'm kind of curious as to what else was going on in my life when I last reviewed this movie... cuz I was pretty hard on it! This time around -- probably my 6th or 7th -- we just had a great time.

Willis is full of fun bravado, Rickman plays the villain with such ease that it made me mourn his death all over again, and any weaknesses were made up for with the non-stop action and quotable quips.

It's truly fun and rewatchable.

B+

Christmas Break-In (2018)

Bumbling robbers have to shelter from a blizzard, so they find a school empty for Christmas break to hide in. Unfortunately for them, Izzy's parents forgot to pick her up so she's there -- as is the school janitor.

The nicest thing I can say about this movie is that the gag reel that plays before the credits roll prove that this movie was, at least, fun to make.

D+

A Little Princess (1995)

In the early 1900s, Sara is being raised by her widower father in India. When he must go to war, she is enrolled in an American boarding school, and she must learn to navigate her rules-heavy new world. Though she soon wins the other girls over with her kindness and imagination, when news arrives that her father has been killed in action, she becomes a servant, banished to the attic like a tiny Cinderella.

Gary and I absolutely loved this film when it first came out. And, though it still holds much of the same magic, I can now see some flaws. For example, most of the girls are not natural actors. Minor quibble, of course -- most children (especially girls) -- will absolutely love this.

B+

Pottersville (2017)

The mild-mannered owner of the town's general store walks in on his bored wife having a "furry" encounter with the sheriff. So, after downing a bottle, he throws on a makeshift furry costume and runs howling through the town -- causing the citizens to report Bigfoot sightings.

This could've been fun if Michael Shannon weren't so completely miscast as the shopkeeper. He's a depressed blank and that brings everything down. To be fair, this wouldn't have ever gotten above a "C" even with a perfect cast, but it didn't have to be so dull.

D+

Christmas Survival (2018)

A couple and their three kids have recently relocated from the city to her country childhood home, which they're in the middle of renovating. Despite the chaos, they decide to have half a dozen family members to spend the holidays with them. There's also an exchange student, his stoned son from his first marriage, and a bunch of Polish contractors along for the ride.

It's brutally unfunny, full of boring cliches, and just lacks all sense of humor. This was so bad that I felt certain that it must have been written/directed by the same no-talent who made The Leisure Class for the director-gets-a-shot show Project Greenlight. It doesn't appear to be him, but I'm not ruling out a pseudonym.

F

Christmas Crossfire (2020)

Girl who's been away from her small hometown for five years has finally decided to give up trying to make it in the city. She picks up a guy in a bar and convinces him to ditch his weekend plans and drive her home instead. And that's the last thing I understood in this movie.

The story seems to be about a jealous mob-boss who wants his wife's lover whacked, but his mental status is pretty bad due to the town losing out on a bid some business deal. The climax is him dressed up like Santa just terrorizing everyone with a gun. 

The only redeeming thing is the likability factor of the couple. But it's not enough.

D+

Black Christmas (2019)

Members of a sorority are being picked off one-by-one. That's a generic set-up with definite possibilities... none of which are put to any use here. The characters aren't interesting, the deaths are neither fun nor scary, and the explanation is just dumb. I mean: douchebros are being mind-controlled by an ancestral douche? Ridiculously complicated for a lazy-as-can-be movie.

C-