Underworld (2003)

During a shootout with werewolves, Selene -- a vampire -- notices that the wolves seemed to be after a human. This realization is followed by the discovery that there might be far more wolves than the vampires had assumed.

There's kind of a cool story here with the questioning of the status quo of Vampires vs. Werewolves, as well as a nifty "reign share" between vampire elders. But the human in question is boring and the constant gloominess just made everything feel pretty monotonous.

C-

Elf (2003)

Although I still agree with the points I made about this film back in 2003, I no longer think those points matter more than the joy that the film holds. I giggled quite a bit this time through -- letting the spirit of the film matter more than its failures in execution.

B

Lloyd & Hill (2003)

Lloyd is a detective or DCI or whatever they call them in England. Hill is a new addition to the team, but they worked together/were attracted to each other back then, but Lloyd quashed it because he was married. Now Hill's married and Lloyd's interested...

But there’s a case to solve. A schoolgirl has been strangled with her school tights. Could it be the flirty hot teacher with no alibi? Or is he just one of those too-obvious red herrings like in most episodes of Law & Order? And, hey, is this anywhere near as good as a random episode of L&O? The answers are, respectively: no, yes, and absolutely not.

C-

Laurel Canyon (2003)

Young couple relocates to California from Cambridge for his medical residency, planning to stay at his mother’s empty home. Problem is that mom hasn’t vacated it because she’s behind on producing an album in her home-based studio. Though the son warns his fiancee away from his mother, she gets sucked into the excitement of a more free existence than she’s ever experienced.

I mean, I got it. The new is always appealing -- especially if you've always stayed in the lines -- and Frances McDormand as the record-producer is irresistible. But neither member of the young couple is at all sympathetic. He’s rigid and holding on to baggage and going way beyond flirting with a fellow resident and she’s suspicious and going way beyond flirting with both the lead singer of the band AND her fiance’s mom, while blocking any chance of moving out of the house by pretending she can’t find a suitable rental.

I didn’t care about them, so it was hard to care about their story.

C

The Company (2003)

There’s only the barest suggestion of a plot -- it’s more like a freeform documentary on the Joffrey Ballet of Chicago, only it’s not “real.” We sit in on practices, watch performances, and briefly glimpse personal lives. We never get deep into motivations and emotions, and that suited me just fine.

I’m not into ballet -- like, at all -- but this number moved me to tears.



B-

Better Luck Tomorrow (2003)

Over-achieving Asian-American high school kids run a harmless gang that pulls small “scams” for cash, eventually escalating into drugs and bigger crimes, seemingly out of boredom. I liked it, for the most part. It felt like it was made on a micro-budget, which I think only added to its appeal.

B-

The Missing (2003)

Single mom on the prairie loses her elder daughter to human-trafficking Indians and has to enlist her estranged father (who ran off to play Indian when she was a kid) to help find her.

There were times that the movie seemed almost OK, but it mostly just seemed like cliches with a dose of mysticism. Since it was directed by Ron Howard, even the "kidnapped to be sold into sexual slavery" story was somehow sanitized.

C-

Bad Santa, Director's Cut (2003)

I've thought about Bad Santa so many times since my first viewing more than five years ago. It's one of those movies that can make me absolutely lose it if I mentally flash onto one of its many over-the-top scenes. Gary and I quote it quite a bit for a seen-only-once movie, so I was really looking forward to seeing it again.

Well, what a disappointment. Was it that I'd misremembered the funny? Not at all. It was that we picked up a different cut of the dang thing -- a cut that was missing a couple of the best scenes: teaching the always-picked-on Thurman to box and the plucking of a candy corn from behind the advent calendar's repaired door ("They can't all be winners, kid"). Just further fuel for my old-lady-shaking-her-fist argument that there should be one and ONLY ONE version of each movie so we've all got the same thing in mind when we discuss film. Gah.

This version was OK, but I doubt I'd have been laughing five years later if this had been the one I'd seen first.

B-

28 Days Later... (2003)

Yes, I'm watching it again (third viewing).

Every bit as awesome as it was the first time -- still hate the "one horror too many" of the army camp, but very few films are perfect.

A-

Soldier's Girl (2003)

Extremely interesting subject matter -- straight soldier falls for cross-dressing performer and suffers consequences -- but the direction and some of the acting (by almost all of the soldiers) is amateurish. Also feels like an outline for a story rather than a fully fleshed-out happening. Seeing as it's based on true events, that's inexcusable.

Despite the lack of imagination in presentation, it's a disquieting story and hard to completely dismiss. Also, Lee Pace is rather extraordinary in the title role -- heartbreaking and convincing.

B-

The Human Stain (2003)

Anthony Hopkins is a literature professor accused of racism for uttering these words in reference to two students who've never, in five weeks, set foot in his class: "do they exist? Or are they spooks?" Well, hell -- the unseen kids turn out to be black and lodge a complaint. What an idiotic premise. "Do they exist? Or are they negroes?" would be nonsensical...so it's pretty plain that's not what he was attempting to say.

That's just the first five minutes or so of what becomes a mumbly message movie about fleeing the past and being true to yourself. It's pretty bleak and, unfortunately, rather pretentious & boring.

C-

Jet Lag (2003)

Rose (Juliette Binoche) is a breezy cosmetician trying to leave a bad relationship. Felix (Jean Reno) is a crabby restaurateur missing his ex-wife. When they both get stuck in Paris due to delayed flights, Rose's cell phone disappears down a toilet and she asks to borrow Felix's and...well, anyone who's seen a romantic comedy can pretty much write the rest and match 75% of what was on screen. I actually like a little predictable comfort movie every so often -- and this one isn't bad at all.

Frothy little movie for when you've got a cold and nothing better to do.

B-

To Be and To Have (2003)

Documentary about a rural one-room school in France. It's kind of an old-fashioned situation, but one that appears to be successful. The children (approximately 20) range in grades from pre-K to upper elementary. The teacher seems to love his work and the kids seem to be thriving as a result of the attention and the proximity to other age groups.

That said, I had a couple of problems with it. The children, the instructor, and the families seemed to cater to the cameras. There was a self-consciousness to the proceedings, especially in the case of the teacher who seemed, too often, to be acting out an idea of "wise and patient mentor." Another problem I had was that it was downright boring. I don't need a documentary to show me that children are unpredictable, precocious, selfish, and cute. I'm guessing that the intent of the film was to explore the success of the alternative educational system and to showcase the dedicated teacher -- but, instead, I felt it veered too often into "aren't these moppets fun?"

Still, there's no denying that the one-room school is interesting. I think covering more time might have been smarter -- maybe five or even ten years -- so that we could check in with the kids and see the results of their early education. Increasing the scope could've made this film meaningful rather than just sentimental.

C+

Unconditional Love (2003)

As previously stated, I've got a thing for Peter Sarsgaard and my TiVo knows it. Too bad he (or, more accurately, his story line) is the worst thing about this movie.

The totally out-there plot involves Grace, a middle-aged dowdy housewife (Kathy Bates), being left by her "I don't want to be married any more" bore of a husband, her favorite singer being murdered by "the crossbow killer," and her impulse flight to England to pay her respects. And, by that point, we're just getting started.

Rupert Everett is marvelous as Dirk, the deceased's longtime companion -- he's almost heartbreaking at times. I think this movie could've really been something if there was more focus on the new relationship between Dirk and Grace: a look at the way someone fully unexpected can come into your life and truly help when no one else can. It could have been a lovely, funny, and wacky romantic (platonic) comedy.

But they had to go and ruin it with the crossbow-killer and a crazy quest to track him down. Ugh. Of course the killer has a reason -- but it doesn't make a lick of sense and the draggy scene in which he holds our heroes as singing hostages gave me enough time to think "this really sucks," a thought which, 'til that point, I hadn't considered since I was kept so off-balance with nuttiness like Julie Andrews' fix-all "Getting to Know You" sing-alongs. I was having a good time until that sequence...and the eye-rolling denouement with Sally Jessy and Barry Manilow (no, I'm not making that up) just made things worse.

C

American Gun (2003)

The old guy in this movie is James Coburn -- so if you're looking for my thoughts on the one where the old guy is Donald Sutherland (2005's American Gun), this ain't it.

This is a film about obsession. Near the beginning of the movie, Coburn's daughter (Virginia Madsen -- beautiful, but nowhere near believable as a high-schooler in flashback scenes) is mugged in a parking lot and shot dead. Coburn is compelled to find out how the gun got to the point where it could be trained on his daughter. He can't just go on with his life as it was -- is unable to "let it go" despite his wife's pleas that he do so.

The film got a little slow in places...began to feel a bit episodic: "tell me your gun story, cue flashback." But it's got one of those endings that ties everything together -- that makes me appreciate the true skill involved in telling a tale well.

B

Manic (2003)

The subjects of this film are a group of kids in a mental health facility - sentenced to therapy for various problems. Some are victimizers. All are victims. Lyle (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is the new kid on the block and we watch him go from silent rage to being an active participant in his own healing.

This is a foreign world to me: I can't identify with the problems or the feelings on display here. The camera does its best to make the viewer part of the action rather than an outsider looking in, though. There are lots of in-your-face shots and dancing about -- which usually gets on my last nerve, but really worked to make me as agitated as the kids I was watching.

There's a bit of "Breakfast Club" in the feel here. It's a mixed group of kids, most of whom would never choose to hang out together: there's a goth girl with razor scars, a fearful and innocent boy, a pretty but nervous good girl, a bully in hip-hop garb, and a good-natured buddy for our violent hero. The kids should just be thanking their lucky stars that they've got empathetic Don Cheadle on their side rather than Principal Vernon. Basically, it's a dysfunctional family -- they hate each other and they need each other.

B-

Camp (2003)

For a movie about aspiring actors, I'm surprised at how cruddy the acting was. The best moments take place "on stage" -- and there are precious few of those.

The story is packed full of types: the bitchy girl who gets the plum parts, the fat girl who learns to love herself, the plain girl who's often ignored but is full of talent, the has-been drunken writer, the gay boy unaccepted by his parents, and on and on -- none of whom have a story arc that's either incisive or fun enough to matter.

When you consider the weakness of the story, the "made on the cheap" production values, and amateurish performaces, it's simply not worth watching.

C-

XX/XY (2003)

A guy (Coles) and a girl (Sam) meet uncute in college and immediately strike up a sexual relationship. Their first try includes the girl's best friend (Thea) -- a menage a trois that stalls when Sam chickens out or feels dirty...or whatever. The couple should've taken the hint that, as long as there's extra people in the relationship, it's not gonna work. Instead they plod along uninterestingly together and finally have an ugly break-up right after Coles decides to screw Thea -- continuing the deed even after Sam walks in on them and holds Coles gaze for a few seconds.

Fast forward several years: Coles is in a long-term relationship, Sam has just broken off an engagement, and Thea's married to a successful restaurateur. But when Coles and Sam run into each other on the street, things start back up between them. Yawn.

The second act is about 300% more tolerable than the first, but since I disliked the first quite passionately, that's not saying much. If any of the characters had any redeeming qualities, this might have been more interesting. I certainly don't know that for sure, but it's an idea.

D+

And Starring Pancho Villa as Himself (2003)

Well, they say (and by "they" I mean IMDb & the film itself) that the film's pretty accurate. Basically: Pancho Villa, leader of Mexican revolutionaries, made a financial agreement to have some battle footage shot and cut into a film by an American company. When that effort did no business, the film company went down to Villa again, with a tighter contract this time, stipulating when battles could be launched (best light, obviously), that battles be restaged if necessary, and that dramatizations of key portions of Villa's life be shot. Incredible.

I was certainly involved in the sheer audacity of what was going on, but as a film it felt a little dry. Took me a few days to finish it.

B-

Timeline (2003)

Granted, this isn't anywhere near Crichton's best story -- but neither is it as unbefreakinlievable as this ridiculous adaptation makes it seem.

Black Knight might even be better than this. At least it meant to be funny.

F