Grindhouse (2007)

Although my younger son and I did watch this in the living room, we still went with the original, not-chopped-into-two-movies, version.

Here's how my viewing stages progressed:

--Anticipation tinged with concern over the sheer length

--Giddiness over the "Machete" trailer

--Enjoyment of the schlockily earnest first feature "Planet Terror," by Robert Rodriguez

--Bump in excitement during the in-between round of fake trailers

--Yawning, interminable boredom during nearly all of the talk, talk, and talk some more "Death Proof," Quentin Tarantino's half of the double bill

B+ for the trailers, B for Planet Terror, and a D for Death Proof (despite Kurt Russell's awesome presence) equals

C+

And, because it really is one of the best things about the movie, here's the Machete trailer in full (caution -- boobs ahead):

(500) Days of Summer (2009)

I hate to be such a chick, but this movie really did it for me. From the early voice-over telling us that we needed to know, upfront, that this is not a love story and explained to us how Summer (the girl in this "boy meets girl" tale) loved two things: her hair and how she could cut it off without feeling a thing, I was hooked. I mean how MARVELOUS is that hair thing? And, while I'm on the subject of marvelous, don't you just love Joseph Gordon-Levitt?

Despite all my mushy feelings about this movie (oh -- but just one more thing before I move on to its debits -- there's a split-screen scene showing, on one side, the expectation of an evening and the reality of that evening...just genius), there were two glaring pieces that annoyed the hell out of me.

Number 1: the "wise beyond her years" younger sister of the "boy." Oh, she was annoying and unrealistic and blech.

Number 2: "I'm Autumn." Ugh.

A-

Them (2007)

This is the way a "based on true events" scary movie SHOULD be. I'm not even getting into whether or not this stuff actually happened, I'm just saying that if there's going to be the little "this really happened!!" type notation at the beginning of a movie, it should be made in such a way that I'm not annoyed by how much was obviously fabricated. I mean, I was actively angry at what Hollywood did with this source material when they churned out The Strangers.

This was simple and frightening without false jumps. And at less than 80 minutes, the running time was also the correct, non-indulgent, length.

B+

You Kill Me (2007)

Kinda weirdly laid-back. It felt a little bit like I was listening to an interesting story being read aloud by a bored librarian.

The story concerns an alcoholic hitman trying to dry out in a new city and finding love while doing so. Well, "love" is kind of a strong word for it...they just seemed to sort of shrug into a relationship.

Unusual vibe and not terribly awesome. Not too bad either, though and, truth be told, I've got a soft spot for Tea Leoni.

C+

District 9 (2009)

Definitely a unique twist on the ol' aliens vs. humans chestnut. By the time the film starts, the aliens (dubbed "prawns" because they look like giant seafood, I'm guessing) have already been in Johannesburg for decades. The locals aren't frightened, they're annoyed by this point: there's a huge spaceship hovering over their city and the temporary housing inhabited by the prawns has become a crime-ridden filthy slum.

A great film damaged only by the fact that I had been looking forward to it for so long that there was no way it was ever gonna live up to my expectations.

A-

The Happening (2008)

Oh, this is one sorry movie. Dialogue, pacing, behavior, the core story -- it's all bad. Very bad. And, perhaps most damning? It's laughable.

F

Man Hunt (1941)

Cool premise: a well-known British big-game hunter trains his rifle on Adolf Hitler, just to see if he can...or was he actually planning to pull the trigger and getting caught in the act caused him to quickly change the story?

After the "why" is set-up, we get the "what," which turns out to be that the Brit, after being left for dead, makes his way back to England and is chased about by Nazi spies. Its serial roots are evidenced by regular tiny cliffhangers, but it's pretty entertaining as a film -- up until the denouement.

Joan Bennett, as a wrong-side-of-the-tracks gal who helps our hero hide, is lovely but thoroughly unconvincing.

B

The Devil's Backbone (2001)

I thought it was going to be a horror movie but it wasn't really. This was more a "some people are bad and ghosts don't like those people" movie.

The setting, a boys' orphanage, is full of atmosphere. We arrive with young Carlos and experience the place with his fresh eyes. It's a lonely place with a brutal pecking order. It's more than a little creepy. The handyman is a jerk who enjoys threatening the kids. Plus there's a big ol' unexploded bomb stuck, nose first, in the dusty yard in front of the main structure. So the place is already unpleasant enough and then things get downright scary when the ghost of a former child resident shows up (giving nothing away -- this happens way too early for it to be considered a secret).

But, with all that, I was bored. The story seemed kind of all over the place and without enough focus on why I rented it in the first place: I wanted to be scared. In the end, I just felt duped.

C-

JCVD (2008)

I didn't know anything about Jean-Claude Van Damme before this movie and I had rather assumed I didn't want to...but I kind of love him now.

Van Damme plays Van Damme -- but rather than going the caricature route, he plays himself as a decent guy who's tired. He's tired of fighting his wife in court, tired of fighting for decent roles, and tired of fighting for respect on both the set and in the street with fans.

The main story concerns JCVD as part of a robbery with hostages. It's tense and the timeline is effectively fractured to tease out information, but the main show here is Van Damme. There is a particular scene in which he is literally elevated above the story to deliver a monologue directly into the camera. The speech is heartfelt and affecting and, while the movie would've worked without it, that's the part I recall most often and it's the part that made my heart go out to both Van Damme the character and Van Damme the person.

A

Sunshine (2007)

Set 50 years in the future, our sun is dying and the small crew of Icarus II is on its way to nuke it to wake it back up. That's a frightening enough task on its own, but the stress is ratcheted up a bit by the fact that Icarus I attempted the same thing and hadn't been heard from in seven years.

The film is great to look at, but I appreciated the restraint of story even more than the visuals. This group of people is comprised of adults: sure, they get annoyed with each other and argue, but it's more to do with the close quarters and the stress of the mission than pure pettiness. The disagreements center on the best way to accomplish the job they've all signed on for.

My one complaint is that the last act got super confusing. I often couldn't tell exactly what was going on. Since the film was so compelling to this point, I was rather disappointed to be left with a sense of "what's happening" -- probably because I really cared about what was happening.

B

Fred Claus (2007)

Vince Vaughn plays the screw-up big brother to saintly Santa. For years he's been disappointing his parents and, most recently, his patient girlfriend. But his brother has always hoped for the best, so he allows Fred to come on up to the Pole and help out. Hilarity ensues?

Well, no. And I guess the only surprise this entire movie held was that I didn't hate it. Oh, I never want to see it again and there's no reason for it to exist, but it was watchable in a predictable and weirdly chuckle-free way.

C

Marley and Me (2008)

This movie looked so durn gosh-all adorable in the previews that I avoided it. I mean...a puppy and Jennifer Aniston pretty much guaranteed that my gag reflex would get a work out if I watched the thing.

Well, I'm big enough to admit when I've completely misjudged. This movie is much more thoughtful and affecting than the campaign let on and it really did a number on me. Big fat tears were rolling down my cheeks and even my younger son turned into a blubbering softie (and I haven't seen that kid cry over a movie...well, ever, I'm pretty sure).

If you've been avoiding this movie because of the cute puppy with the bow around its neck on the cover, go ahead and try it. I was surprised and I bet you will be too.

B+

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (2008)

Breezy, silly, inconsequential little movie about a drab, straight-laced governess getting fired and sneaking her way into a new position as a personal assistant to a flighty, promiscuous actress. Despite an almost jarring turn toward sentimentalism at the very end, this is light as a feather.

Though the actors all seem to be enjoying themselves immensely, I just couldn't get on the wavelength and it all fell flat for me.

C

Murder by Numbers (2002)

I think that if this movie would have just focused a bit more, it could've been pretty darn good. As it stands, however, the story was split between Sandra Bullock -- flinty cop who's breaking in another in a long line of partners (she's FLINTY, see?). She also lives on a houseboat (she can shove off any time, get it?) and has an abusive past (she's GOT to make sure other victims get justice, you know?).

Sigh.

The other, better, part of the film follows the two high school kids at the center of Bullock's investigation into how a dead body in the woods came to be dead. The guys are played by Ryan Gosling and Michael Pitt -- two amazing actors, even at this younger age. Give this part at B+ and the bundle of cliches that is the Bullock portion a D+ and we'll average that out for a

C+

Flowers in the Attic (1987)

Oh my word -- what a terrible movie. All of the acting was wooden and the storytelling inept. It's one of those "how did so and so ever get hired for anything else after this debacle??" wastes of time.

Doesn't even have the distinction of being a potential guilty pleasure as the movie has been stripped of all of the "guilty" things that made the book all the rage when I was in 7th grade, passing the broken spined paperback on to the next girl as soon as we were finished gulping it down in just one weekend as we thrilled in hiding it from our parents, teachers, and younger siblings. Leaving out the seedy bits, especially the brother/sister incest that was the "hook" of the book (for us junior-highers anyway) -- was, not too surprisingly, a huge mistake.

F